


I Know It’s Gonna Happen Someday

by draco_illius_noctis



Series: Hearts are Not Chained at First Sight [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Brontos, Canonical Character Death, M/M, Mutual Pining, Non-Canon Relationship, Slow Burn, Unresolved Sexual Tension, did I mention stubbornness?, enemies to friends to lovers (hopefully), everyone just wants to help, lavellan is adorable, series set-up, these two are so stubborn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-15
Updated: 2015-04-09
Packaged: 2018-03-17 21:16:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 34,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3544031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/draco_illius_noctis/pseuds/draco_illius_noctis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cullen and Dorian meet and dislike each other on sight. A begrudging truce turns into friendship. Or more? </p><p>If the Inner Circle has anything to do with it, it will. Watching these two is painful... </p><p>Takes place pre- and immediately after getting to Skyhold.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I should mention that these were all written under my previous AO3 name, manaveris_dracona. I had a couple people ask and no, it's not a co-authored fic, I just merged all my stuff together.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen meets a pain-in-the-ass mage moments before the arrival of the Elder One and the destruction of Haven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first couple chapters will be canon-compliant, pretty much just to set up the story pre-Skyhold. Bear with me until we start getting to the fun stuff around chapter 3 ; )
> 
> No beta, so I apologize for any mistakes. Some direct lines of dialogue were used/some paraphrased. All of these lovelies belong to Bioware, I just like playing with them.

The first time Cullen sees Dorian, the mage is kneeling on the ground, the landscape behind him lit with torches. The mage was there to warn them, he claimed. Too little, too late. 

“Might exhausted…” the man said, as he staggered to the side.

Cullen sheathed his sword and sprang forward to catch him before he fell. They made eye contact as the mage pushed him away with one arm, standing back up proudly before slightly leaning on his staff. 

“I came to tell you what happened with the mages in Redcliffe,” he continued. “You’re…not going to like it.”

Cullen watched the man closely, one eyebrow raised as the mage revealed the danger they were in. Any doubts he had that the man was telling the truth dissolved as they saw the Elder One appear. 

“Cullen, give me a plan. Anything!” the Herald shouted. Cullen focused, adrenaline replacing panic. Plans. Strategy. This he knew; this is what he was there for. The commands flew from his lips, rallying cries sending not only the troops but the Herald and her companions running, following his orders without hesitation. 

He barely had time to notice the mage still standing next to him, looking at him with a note of appreciation. He didn’t have time to think about it as he stood guard at the gate, fighting shoulder to shoulder with his troops. The mage, he saw, stayed as well.

The battle progressed quickly, wave after wave of distorted and monstrous beings seeking entry into Haven. Out of the corner of his eye, Cullen saw a ball of flame surge through the air. The next thing he knew, a massive avalanche came tumbling down the mountain, engulfing everything in its path. A surge of hope welled in his chest as his soldiers cheered around him.

But then the feeling disappeared as quickly as it arrived. A massive dragon emerged on the horizon, burning a path of destruction in its wake. 

As the Herald and her companions rushed back into the main gates, Cullen began pointing everyone towards the Chantry. He felt his hope failing as he realized their chances of survival were quickly whittling down to none. 

“At this point, just make them work for it,” he said to the Herald, moving in the opposite direction. He took one final look over his shoulder at she ran away, pleased that she seemed to show no fear, only a fierce determination to succeed. 

Cullen raced towards the Chantry, satisfied to see that the majority of non-combatants had already made it inside. A small group of soldiers were keeping guard at the entranceway. He quickly found Leliana calling out instructions, attempting to keep the growing numbers calm as they listened to the destruction outside. Chancellor Roderick was there as well, seriously hurt but still aiding the people as much as he could. The mage appeared by his side, supporting the man he didn’t even know. 

“Is anyone injured?” Cullen asked Josephine, as the duo joined Leliana to speak privately.

“Some,” she answered, looking at her notes, “even though the majority of wounds seem to be non-fatal.”

“That’s something at least,” Cullen muttered. “We need to figure out our next move.”

Time seemed to slow to a crawl. The three advisors combined their intelligence, optimism fading as each minute went by. More and more people came stumbling into the Chantry, hoping for any small chance of survival. The Herald and her companions had yet to arrive, and Cullen’s hopes for them began to decline as well. It seemed unlikely they would come out of this alive.

“They have no demands,” Leliana said wearily. “They have said nothing of their intentions. No communication at all. They simply appear bent on destruction.”

Cullen heard the Chantry door burst open and turned to see what caused the commotion. The Herald raced inside followed by her companions. Roderick himself gathered them in, collapsing in pain from the exertion. The mage, still at his side, caught him much as Cullen had caught the mage earlier. 

Cullen hurried toward the Herald as he saw her look around in barely contained panic. He quickly brought her up to speed on their situation, trying not to let his worry seep through. The mage cut into their conversation, evidently full of information he had been unable to tell them earlier.

As Cullen listened to the man speak, an idea blossomed. If there really was no hope for survival, at least they could go out with a bang – literally. 

“The trebuchets are still an option,” he said swiftly, “if we turn the largest towards the mountains above us.” He could see the uncertainty growing on their faces. “This is not about survival now,” he continued. “The only choice left is how spitefully we end this.”

The mage came storming towards him. 

“That’s not acceptable!” the man shouted. “I didn’t race here only to have you drop rocks on my head!”

Cullen could see the ferocity and desperation in the man’s gaze. His frustration increased, the little patience he had left disappearing.

“Should we submit?” Cullen demanded, marching towards the mage. “Let him kill us?”

The man’s face lit up with rage, eyes narrowing in anger. 

“Dying,” the mage seethed, “is typically a last resort, not the first. For a Templar, you think like a blood mage.”

Cullen’s face took on a look of quiet fury. _No_ , he thought. _We won’t need the trebuchet. I’m going to use this asshole as bait instead._ He began to advance on the mage once again.

Oblivious to the tension, Roderick chimed in, describing an escape route below the Chantry. It appeared to be their only hope. The Herald raced back out of the Chantry with her trio, resolved to do whatever she could to distract the Elder One and his dragon while the others fled. 

The mage supported Roderick as they led the despairing group of people below ground and out into the frigid mountain air. Cullen brought up the rear, ensuring that every possible person made it out while they still had a chance. He could hear the dragon and the fighting faintly behind them. 

_I could have done more, helped more, prepared more._ The words repeated over and over in his head. _This is just like Kirkwall…_

He shook his head. His task right now was saving the Inquisition, and he would perform to the best of his abilities. He motioned for an archer to release the fire arrow. Hopefully the Herald was still alive to see the signal. The distant rumble he heard minutes later suggested that she had. He had no time to mourn their loss; they needed to move on.

The group trekked ahead, exhaustion settling in quickly. The Herald’s companions joined them after some time, sans the Herald herself. They made brief stops along the way, but couldn’t afford to rest for long. Cullen pressed them forward, wanting to put as much distance between them and Haven as he could. 

Cassandra finally approached him, hours later.

“Commander,” she began, “we must stop. We can’t continue at this pace, and the injured need to rest. _You_ need to rest. As do we all.”

“Very well,” Cullen sighed. “Let us set up camp for the night and then we’ll see. I want a constant lookout towards Haven. We must keep an eye out for any approaching danger. Or stragglers,” he added. He didn’t dare hope the Herald survived, but if there was a chance…

Cassandra nodded, satisfied. “As you wish, Commander,” she replied, walking towards the head of the group. Cullen took in the weariness of the others he had neglected before now. The mage had dropped towards the back of the group, still supporting Roderick somehow, but he could see their remaining strength disappearing. Putting his strong dislike of both men to the side, he walked towards them.

“If you would allow me…” Cullen said, gesturing towards Roderick.

“And _now_ the Commander decides to be the dashing hero, hours after I lose all feeling in my left arm!” the mage proclaimed. “By all means, be my guest,” he finished, handing Roderick off to Cullen. The man began rotating and massaging his arm in an attempt to get the blood flowing again. The trio walked along in silence, Roderick on the verge of unconsciousness. 

“I do not believe we have been properly introduced,” Cullen began cautiously. “I am Cullen Rutherford, Commander of the Inquisition’s forces.”

The mage glanced suspiciously at Cullen, looking for a trap. After a moment, he cleared his throat. 

“I am Dorian, of House Pavus. Most recently of Minrathous,” he replied. “Pleased to meet you…Commander.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments/criticisms/kudos more than welcome.


	2. Observations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dorian has an important decision to make, but gets distracted by singing Mothers and pretty advisors.
> 
> Also, brontos.

Dorian was relieved. Half of his body was numb and the other half was aching. He hadn’t expected the Commander to make small talk, but then again, he hadn’t expected much of anything that had happened that day.

They walked in silence for a bit before Cullen spoke again.

“So…why did you leave Tevinter?”

Dorian had been expecting the question, but not quite so soon.

“For personal reasons,” he replied curtly. “What did you ‘command’ before the Inquisition?”

Cullen tensed slightly, although it was hard with Roderick draped over his side.

“I was Knight-Captain in Kirkwall,” he said eventually. 

“Wait,” Dorian said, pausing briefly to look at him. “Were you there during the rebellion? How fascinating!”

Cullen was about to respond when he heard Leliana call his name. Her scouts had returned; they could stop for the night.

“If you’ll excuse me…” Cullen began as he handed Roderick over to a soldier. Dorian watched as he walked toward the head of the group, shouting out orders to prepare the camp. The mage crossed his arms as he leaned against a nearby tree, debating what to do next.

***

The makeshift camp was assembled quickly, allowing the tired inhabitants a chance to finally rest and get some sleep. Dorian volunteered to watch over Roderick once again. He weaved his way through the tents and past the random brontos to the small infirmary where Roderick was laying.

 _Where did we even get brontos?_ Dorian wondered as one nudged him on the way past.

It appeared the combination of dislike for the Chancellor and the distrust of the mage caused the rest of the camp to give them a wide berth. He occasionally caught a glimpse of a young man in a very floppy, very unfashionable hat hovering near them, but whenever Dorian attempted to speak, the boy was gone.

That evening, with a strong campfire burning around him, Dorian sat back and watched the leading members of the Inquisition. The Herald had staggered into camp earlier, exhausted and a little beat up but otherwise unharmed. While she slept, the quartet had taken to fighting amongst themselves. 

Things were finally calm enough that Dorian was able to relax and take in the environment around him, including the Commander. His strength and authority were clearly evident, holding his own amongst the three fierce women. He still felt an aversion for the man after their argument in the Chantry, but he had to admit Cullen was attractive.

He sat back and pondered his situation. Once dawn arrived he could take his leave if he so desired. The Venatori were still a threat, however, and the Inquisition seemed to be the best bet in combating them. Dorian just wasn’t sure the organization would allow him to remain. Judging by the attitudes of pretty much everyone he had crossed paths with, he was not welcome. 

He noticed a silence had fallen on the camp as he was considering his options; only the crackling of fires and low murmuring of the people around him could be heard. Roderick was moaning slightly in his unconscious state, and Dorian believed the exertion had been too much for his injured body to go on much longer.

He was preparing to go to his own bedroll and try to get some sleep when he heard a voice resonate through the tents. He peered forward to see the Revered Mother from the Chantry – the one who kept shooting him dirty looks – begin to sing an unfamiliar song. Something meant to inspire, he imagined. The Herald was also up, looking around the camp. 

Dorian stood as he watched the attention of the camp focus on the Mother and the Herald, more and more people joining in with her melody. His gaze swept the crowd as he observed these people, who by all rights should be passed out from fatigue at the moment, rally themselves around their new leader. 

As Dorian’s eyes scanned, they fell on a familiar face just as that voice joined in with the others. 

_What a delightful voice from such a vexing man,_ he thought with wonder. 

Before he could observe more, he heard a sharp intake of breath from behind him. Dorian looked towards Roderick and saw the man shake slightly as a seizure racked through him. He ran quickly to Roderick’s side, looking in vain for a nearby healer, but the man was already dead. 

Dorian sighed as he stood back up. How sad it was that he didn’t even know this man, yet he was the only one Dorian felt any connection to. He gestured for one of the healers, shaking his head as he pointed towards Roderick and then finally made his way to his bedroll. He saw the Herald walk off with an elven mage as the camp settled back down for the night.

The surge of devotion was not lost on Dorian. Things seemed to be developing in the Inquisition’s favor, and unless they expressly asked him to leave he felt they were the best chance he had to garner support. He would wait things out, see where the next day led them, and then make his ultimate decision. 

He reclined on his bedroll, finally allowing himself the brief bit of sleep he had been depriving himself of the last few days. He missed the brief glance from the Commander, as Cullen made his way to his own tent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, comments/criticisms/kudos are always welcome! 
> 
> Chapter 3 will be along shortly. Thanks for reading!


	3. I Don't Owe You Anything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dorian settles into Skyhold and has an interesting confrontation with the advisors.

The trek to Skyhold was exhausting, but more than worth it once Dorian took in the sight of the majestic castle. Although the Keep was huge, it had also clearly not been used in many years and was falling apart. Still, it was nice to have a (mostly) solid roof over their heads, and everyone spread out looking for a spot to call their own.

Dorian seized an alcove in what was passing for the library, in the main rotunda of the castle. The elven mage that Lavellan seemed so fond of ( _Solas,_ he thought, _must remember that_ ) occupied the open area below him, while Leliana and her obnoxiously loud ravens took up above him. While there were several other people on his level, his alcove provided him enough privacy that he could be concealed from prying eyes, yet keep an eye on the stairwell next to him. It also had a conveniently placed window overlooking one of the main courtyards.

Dorian kept to himself for the first few days, quietly observing what was becoming the daily routine of the inhabitants. He needed to speak to Lavellan about remaining with the Inquisition, but wanted to wait for the right time. The Herald was still settling in and he didn’t want to bother her unnecessarily.

Dorian noticed Cullen set up his initial command center (a plank on a couple of wooden boxes, how _charming_ ) in the courtyard below his window. It was a steep view, but he was able to see when the Commander met with what he assumed was the official leadership of the Inquisition – Lavellan, Cassandra, Leliana and Josephine. 

Dorian began to take periodic walks in the afternoon, conveniently done when the group had their daily meeting. He most certainly was _not_ doing it to eavesdrop.

During one of these non-eavesdropping walks, Lavellan nodded hello to him as he walked past. 

_Well, a good a time as any,_ he thought. 

“My lovely Herald, how are you on this marvelous day?” he called, striding over. Lavellan smiled at him while the other four people looked at him with varying degrees of distrust. Josephine and Leliana seemed only mildly wary, while Cullen looked at him with open annoyance, and Cassandra looked as if she wanted to attack him where he stood.

“Hello, Dorian,” Lavellan said amicably. “I’ve been meaning to come speak to you.”

“Yes, thank you for your warning at Haven,” Cassandra butted in, “but it is not a good idea for a Tevinter magister to remain with the Inquisition. I’m sure you understand.”

Dorian tensed at the words as Lavellan looked towards Cassandra in confusion. Cullen put his head down, attempting to hide a smirk. For some reason, that annoyed Dorian more than Cassandra’s words. 

“Lady Cassandra,” Dorian said, turning his attention towards her, “not everything from Tevinter is terrible. Look at my profile, for example. Isn't it incredible? I picture it in marble.” He turned to the side as he spoke, which also put him face to face with Cullen.

“Wouldn’t you agree, Commander?” Dorian smirked. Cullen looked up in surprise as his face began to turn red.

“I…um…” Cullen stuttered. 

“I think you have a handsome face, Dorian,” Lavellan said, innocently. Cassandra huffed as she rolled her eyes. 

“And for your information,” Dorian resumed, “I am merely an Altus. Not everyone in the Imperium is a magister.”

“Regardless,” Josephine said, stepping forward, “we must question your motives for joining us.”

Dorian sighed. “The Venatori are from Tevinter, yet they in no way represent the majority of Tevinter citizens. Some of us have fought for aeons against this sort of madness. It's my duty to stand with you."

Lavellan smiled and nodded her head, while Cullen turned to look at him with curiosity. 

“I think we should give him a chance,” Leliana commented. “We may keep an eye on him and see if his intentions are as true as he says.”

Cullen cleared his throat as he looked to the group. “I can at least confirm that he aided Chancellor Roderick throughout the journey from Haven with no incident,” he said. “Nor do I suspect he came to warn us with any ulterior motives.”

“Why, Commander, you do care!” Dorian exclaimed. “I’m flattered you studied me so intently.” He winked at the Commander and grinned when the flush began to creep back into Cullen’s face. “I’ll be _certain_ to return the favor.” 

“Well!” Lavellan interrupted, clapping her hands together. “I believe it’s decided, then. Dorian, we would be happy to welcome you officially into the Inquisition.”

Dorian smiled and gave a slight bow to the group. “It would be my honor.”

******

Cassandra lightly touched the Herald’s arm and asked to speak to her a moment alone. Leliana and Josephine disappeared up the stone steps, leaving Dorian alone with Cullen.

The Commander began nervously rubbing the back of his neck, avoiding eye contact with Dorian. Dorian’s mood quickly sobered.

“I do appreciate your support, Commander,” he remarked, bored. “And I appreciate you listening to me so readily at the gates. It was a very…honorable thing for you to do. But we needn’t pretend to play nice when the others aren’t around.”

Cullen looked up and began to respond when they both caught a glint of something off to the side. They looked up to see Leliana standing on the landing, holding a sword in her hand as the Herald and Cassandra approached her. A crowd quickly began forming around them, all attention drawn to the trio on the stairs. 

Josephine appeared at the Commander’s side, and with everyone distracted, Dorian slipped away and moved behind the crowd. He watched in confusion as Cassandra began shouting. 

“Have our people been told?” she called out. Josephine stepped forward and confirmed that yes, they had.

_Been told what?_ Dorian wondered. _I was told nothing!_ How out of the loop had he been? He looked towards Cullen just as Cassandra also turned her attention to him.

“Commander! Will they follow?” she yelled. Dorian looked on in amazement as Cullen turned and began rallying the crowd. He was shocked. How was this person the same he had been flustering only moments earlier?

“Inquisition, will you follow?” Cullen demanded as the crowd cheered. “Will you fight? Will we triumph?”

Dorian felt a shiver go up his back as the crowd roared louder in response.

“Your leader, your Herald,” Cullen unsheathed his sword as he whirled around. “Your…Inquisitor!” 

Dorian looked back up at Lavellan, her tiny frame somehow raising the very large sword in triumph. He couldn’t help but chuckle as he leaned against the nearby wall, clapping softly. This was certainly going to be an adventure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, some direct lines of dialogue were used/paraphrased. Thank you all for your support so far, this is really fun to write! Comments, kudos, etc. always welcome :)


	4. Sorry Doesn't Help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen is cranky, and cranky Cullen = huge jerk. Leliana puts a stop to that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In my world, Leliana brought her nugs with her to Skyhold. 
> 
> Again, no beta, etc. etc.

Skyhold made things real.

They were no longer living in makeshift camps, lingering on borrowed property and borrowed time. Now they were a formidable power, and the growing numbers inside their walls were a testament to that. 

Larger numbers meant larger troops, and despite the losses at Haven, their army was bigger than ever. Cullen found his time stretched thin. More responsibility meant more paperwork; more troops meant more training; and the combination of the two meant little sleep and even less relaxation.

Cullen was exhausted. Having an Inquisitor eased some of the stress, but didn’t lessen the work. It seemed like for every one mission she completed, three more appeared. And now even her companions had started asking for favors.

He knew very little about the others the Inquisitor had decided to take into her inner circle. He could put faces with names, but aside from the handful that were present at the breech, that’s all they were – names put to faces. He intended to rectify that, once he actually had a free minute or two. As a leading member of the Inquisition, he should be on familiar terms with anyone the Inquisitor deemed important. So he told himself. 

Except Dorian.

He knew they got off on the wrong foot. He had attempted to be polite, but the mage was infuriating to be around. He was brash, he was arrogant, and he went out of his way to mock almost everyone he spoke to…especially Cullen. 

After their encounter during the Inquisitor’s “coronation”, Cullen resolved not to let the man fluster him further.

*****

_Where is that blasted report?_ Cullen thought one afternoon. He was searching frantically through the papers on his already cluttered desk, looking for one particularly important report from Leliana on the status of the Emerald Graves. 

He pounded his fist on the desk. The strain of the last few days was getting to him, leaving him with little patience. He stomped to the main door of his office, looking for one of the messengers that always seemed to be stationed outside. 

“Maker’s breath, now that I actually have need of them…” he grumbled, seeing no one around. _I have no time for this,_ he thought, making his way to Leliana’s rookery himself. 

He passed Solas in his rotunda, the elf paying him no mind as he worked on his mural, and climbed the stairs. Cullen had only been to the rookery once or twice, mainly to familiarize himself with the layout of the castle. He wasn't prepared for how much of a transformation had taken place in the short amount of time. 

He also wasn’t prepared to come face to face with Dorian.

Cullen stopped short, glaring slightly at the man who stood in his path. Dorian’s face turned from bored to mischievous in an instant once he realized who he was standing with.

“Commander!” Dorian said casually, “Come to see my…” 

Cullen shoved him out of the way and continued walking. 

“I don’t have time for your pestering right now, Dorian,” he yelled without turning around. He continued to the next set of stairs, missing the look of astonishment on the mage’s face. 

Cullen reached Leliana moments later to find the bard seated at her table with her own piles of letters and paperwork in front of her. 

“Maker, how can you stand to work with all this noise?” he asked her, staring at the birds squawking overhead. 

“Commander,” Leliana said, standing. “I didn’t expect to see you here. Is there a problem?”

“Problem?” he asked distractedly. “Oh,” he replied, turning to look at her, “I'm missing a report from your scouts regarding the Emerald Graves, do you have a copy? It's extremely important right now.”

“I believe I do,” she replied, flipping through her papers. The noise of the birds was doing little to help Cullen’s patience, and he began pacing the area behind her desk. He became lost in thought once again, going down a mental checklist of things he had to complete before the day was through.

“Commander?” Leliana called. Cullen kept pacing, apparently not having heard her. 

“Commander!” Leliana shouted again, gripping his arm to stop him. “Are you sure you’re alright?”

Cullen looked at the paper in her hand and grabbed it, but she held tight. 

“I’m fine,” he sighed. “Just a little…tired.”

Leliana kept her hold on the paper. “Are you not sleeping?” she asked. “Should I have a sleeping draught made up? Or should I ask Cassandra…”

“You need not ask Cassandra anything,” Cullen snapped. “I. Am. Fine. Right now, all I need is that piece of paper in your hand so I can resume my work.”

Leliana finally handed the paper over, but moved to block his path. 

“Cullen,” she began, “are you giving yourself enough time to rest? To eat? What are you doing in your spare time?” Cullen opened his mouth. “And no, doing paperwork or training your new lieutenants does not count as spare time,” she said swiftly. Cullen shut his mouth and said nothing.

Leliana sighed. “You must take time for yourself Cullen, you cannot keep going at this pace.” She could see him furrow his brow, preparing to respond, but she kept going anyway. “Each of us – me, Josie, the Inquisitor, even Cassandra – all have a diversion to engage in that isn’t work. It’s necessary, Commander,” she finished, gently. 

Cullen huffed. “You may all have time for such interests, but I do not.” 

“We do, because we _make_ time for them,” she stressed. “You must, as well. I heard the way you snapped at Dorian moments ago; do you think he deserved that?”

Cullen began to nod his head yes, but stopped when he saw the look on her face. 

“Maker, alright. So what do you recommend? What is your pastime?”

Leliana looked at him surprised. She tilted her head slightly as she smiled and gestured towards the cages scattered on the floor around her desk. He had failed to notice any of them until now.

“I have my nugs, of course,” she said. “You did not know that I raised them? I am very fond of them. The Hero of Ferelden gave me my first,” she finished, with a slightly sad smile.

Cullen coughed once before shaking his head and looking away.

“And Josephine? The others?”

Leliana laughed softly. “Josie has a…collection. Cassandra is an avid reader. And the Inquisitor is learning more of her heritage. She and Solas spend much time together,” she finished with a smirk. 

Cullen sighed and put his head down in defeat. “Very well. If I promise to find something else to occupy my time, will you please allow me to resume my work?” 

Leliana smiled and nodded as she moved out of the way, allowing Cullen to start down the stairs.

“Oh, and Commander?” she called sweetly after him. “Do apologize to Dorian.”

Cullen groaned and kept walking.

******

He didn't want to do this, but he knew that Leliana was listening. He made his way towards the next set of stairs, pausing briefly at his first destination.

He saw Dorian sprawled in a chair in his corner, one leg thrown over the side with a book in his hands.

Cullen cleared his throat as he stood in front of the man. 

“I would like to apologize,” he began.

Dorian looked up at him slowly, one eyebrow raised, but with an otherwise disinterested glance.

“There is no need to apologize for your deplorable Ferelden manners – or lack thereof,” Dorian responded. “I suppose it’s yet another thing I must force myself to get used to. Along with the lack of proper hygiene, proper wine, proper desserts…”

“I see your point,” Cullen said, holding up a hand to cut him off. “But I merely wished to extend the courtesy. I also wanted you to know I meant no offense when I attested to your help in front of the other advisors; I did not desire to cause any trouble.”

“And what _is_ it you desire, Commander?” Dorian asked, sitting forward, studying the man.

“I…” Cullen said, flushing slightly. He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “What I _desire_ is to be rid of this paperwork and to get a good night’s sleep.”

Dorian rolled his eyes. “Such a bore you are. I expected more from someone so pretty.” He sat back and made a shooing motion towards Cullen as he looked back to his book. 

“Yes, thank you for the apology but as I said earlier, there is no need for us to play nice.” With that he paid no more attention to the Commander, and Cullen slowly walked down the stairs and back to his office, a strange feeling settling into the pit of his stomach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That twinge in Cullen's stomach isn't indigestion...prepare for the angst to start appearing pretty soon. 
> 
> I hope Cullen didn't come off as too mean in this chapter, he's just very sleep-deprived, I promise! Pretty sure Dorian can handle his own though ;)
> 
> Thanks for the response so far, I love hearing from you!


	5. I'm OK by Myself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dorian makes friends and should probably cut back a little on the alcohol. He also tries to pick up an old pastime.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Longer chapter than usual. I have the next two chapters after this written as well, they just need some cleaning up. Since these three chapters all overlap in time, I thought it would be a good idea for them to be posted close to each other. Expect them by the end of tomorrow (hopefully!).

Dorian quickly made himself at home in Skyhold now that he had been officially welcomed into the Inquisition. He had his space in the library and was assigned his own private quarters. It was small, and nothing like he was used to back in Tevinter, but it was comfortable and it was his own.

His routine continued to be quite the same. Occasionally Lavellan would ask him to come along with her on a mission. Otherwise, he would pass his days in the library, mostly researching but sometimes reading for pleasure. His evenings were spent in the tavern, where he was becoming friendly with the Iron Bull and his group. 

Given the history between Tevinter and the Qunari, a member of the latter group would have been the last Dorian would’ve guessed he’d be associating with. But he and Bull had an easy rapport and the Chargers had an ex-Tevinter like himself, so they couldn’t be all bad.

He would retire to his quarters after a few drinks, slightly tipsy but usually not drunk. Just enough to ease some of the homesickness and allow himself to fall into a dreamless sleep.

*****

“So. Dorian. How many skirts do you actually own?” Bull asked during one of their drinking nights. Krem began laughing from the opposite side of the table.

“Wh- ugh!” Dorian grunted. He gestured to his legs. “You can clearly see I’m wearing pants, why do you bother asking?”

“Because it gives me an excuse to stare at your…pants,” Bull winked.

Dorian threw his arms in the air. “Venhedis, why do I suffer through such torment?” he cried melodramatically. 

“Your clothes look like the Fade, Dorian,” a voice said from behind them. Dorian nearly jumped out of his seat as Bull began to laugh.

“Hey, kid. Nice of you to join us,” Bull said, grinning. “I think you gave the Vint a heart attack though.”

Cole looked pleased at the greeting. “Hello, The Iron Bull.” His expression became concerned as he turned to Dorian. “Did I really scare you, Dorian?” 

Dorian groaned. “No, no, I’m quite alright. I think perhaps I’ve had too much to drink this evening.” He sat back and drained the remainder of whatever was in his glass.

“Did you conjure them, Dorian?” Cole asked. 

Dorian gave him a puzzled look. “Conjure _what,_ Cole?”

“Your clothes - they’re shiny, like the Fade. Is that why they look like that?” Cole replied.

Bull began laughing so hard he nearly fell out of his chair as Dorian shook his head.

“On that note,” he said, beginning to stand, “I believe I shall retire for the evening.” 

Trying to get to his feet was harder than it looked, however. As soon as he was upright he swayed and staggered to the side. Cole was closest and caught him before he hit the ground. Dorian began to moan as he massaged his temple.

“Ah, I take that back. Definitely too much to drink tonight,” he said. 

Bull stood up. “At least let me or one of the boys take you back to your room before you pass out,” he said as he stretched.

Bull walked over and slipped Dorian’s arm across his shoulders as he took him from Cole. He put his own arm around Dorian’s back as he supported the man enough that he could walk.

“Alright, point the way to your room, Vint,” Bull said. The Chargers began hooting and hollering behind them as they walked to the door.

“What are they on about?” Dorian asked, sleepily.

Bull laughed quietly as he reached to open the tavern door. “How about we just get you into bed,” he said in reply. 

Just as he was reaching for the doorknob it opened ahead of him, and Cullen stood in the doorway. Cullen’s eyes went back and forth from Bull to Dorian, taking in the sight of their embrace. He began to flush slightly as he incorrectly put two and two together, and backed out of the way, gesturing for them to go out.

“Thanks, Commander," Bull said with a cheeky grin. "Need to get this one in the sack."

"Yes, so I heard," Cullen replied, looking away as he rubbed his neck. Dorian looked up from his stupor as they started to walk again.

"Commander," he said, coolly. "Come to push me around a bit more?" 

Bull looked at Cullen warily as the Commander flushed even more. Dorian paused as he looked at Cullen, charmed by his awkwardness and inhibitions lowered from drinking.

"Maybe I want _Cullen_ to take me to bed instead, Bull," Dorian teased. 

He mentally kicked himself after the words left his mouth. _Where did that come from?_ he thought, flustered.

Bull grunted as he pulled Dorian along. "Okay, enough out of you." He turned and eyed Cullen again. "Night, Commander." They walked off as Cullen was left speechless at the door.

*****

Dorian dragged his feet, drowsiness overtaking him, and Bull half carried him away from the tavern. 

"Dorian?" Bull asked, "Where exactly is your room?" 

Dorian exhaled and looked up, surveying the area. He waved his hand in the general direction of his room.

“One of those, there,” he said, yawning. They kept walking.

“Did Cullen hurt you?” Bull asked, abruptly. 

“What?” Dorian asked, confused. “Oh, no. Just a wounded ego.” 

Bull grunted in acknowledgment. “Just checking.” He paused for a minute. “It's not some kind of sex thing, is it?” 

Dorian laughed. “Why, Bull, you almost sound jealous! I can assure you that the very _last_ thing on our illustrious Commander’s mind is sex with me.”

 _Don't even think about it,_ Dorian told himself.

Bull snorted in amusement as he helped Dorian the rest of the way to his room. 

“You gonna be okay?” Bull asked, once they got to his door. “I can stay with you if…”

“Vishante kaffas!” Dorian sighed. “I’m fine, thank you Bull.” He composed himself and smiled slightly. “I’m not nearly as bad as I appear. Goodnight.” Dorian closed the door before  
Bull could respond and climbed into bed, drifting into a restless sleep.

*****

Dorian soon felt the need to add some variety into his daily routine. He took to walking the battlements, usually in the early morning hours before he settled into his nook for the day. He enjoyed watching as the inhabitants of Skyhold awoke and the fortress slowly came alive.

One of his favorite spots was the landing that overlooked the training yard. It was out of the way, so he was typically alone, but also provided an excellent viewpoint over one of the larger courtyards. Usually he took it as his cue to leave once the soldiers began arriving for their morning drills. However, one day he stalled, as he saw Cullen arrive earlier than usual and begin to practice on the dummies himself.

The Commander appeared to be unaware that he was not alone, and went straight into what looked like a well-practiced routine. It was the first time Dorian had seen him out of his armor and cloak, as he trained in a pair of trousers and loose fitting shirt. 

He had to give the Commander credit. Whatever he lacked in social graces he certainly made up for in strength and agility. The man’s movements were swift and sure; clearly the work of someone who had spent most of his life in this routine. 

Dorian found himself wondering exactly how old the Commander was. He knew the man had been in Kirkwall during the rebellion – he had told him that much – but knew nothing about his life prior, aside from the fact that he was Ferelden. 

_Why do I even care?_ Dorian thought, preparing to leave. _The man certainly hasn’t given a damn about me._

Yet he couldn’t deny the man was attractive, and maybe, if they had gotten to know each other in a different time or place…

Dorian shook his head. The Commander looked straight as an arrow. If this was another world Cullen would probably be shacked up with some pretty young wife, ten kids running around, and showing off his muscles to swooning teenage girls instead of Dorian. 

_This is exactly the kind of infatuation that got you into trouble in Tevinter,_ Dorian chastised himself. But this wasn’t Tevinter. No one here knew of his past, and he had seen more than one instance of two men looking…more than friendly with each other. Apparently, his sexual preference did not carry the same type of stigma in the south. That thought alone gave Dorian some hope. Now he just needed to banish the idea of a relationship with Cullen, of all people, and things would move on splendidly.

*****

Dorian left the landing and began to head towards the library to settle down for the day. He decided to take the long way back, circumnavigating the garden rather than going around past the tavern and through the front of the main hall. 

The garden was peaceful, as it usually was when Dorian awoke. Although his room overlooked the area, he had not actually spent any time there. He decided to treat himself that day and spend an hour or two that afternoon reading in the garden - on a topic that most definitely did not have to do with darkspawn or archdemons or evil Tevinter magisters risen from the dead. 

He worked diligently throughout the morning and into the early afternoon before deciding he had taken enough notes for the day. He would relax in the garden for a few hours, perhaps take a short nap, and then head over to the tavern for dinner. 

The garden was busy, but quiet. Plants were being tended to and Chantry sisters were quietly meeting with patrons or sitting in prayer. Many, like Dorian, appeared content just to enjoy the atmosphere and spend some time in thought. 

Dorian scanned the area quickly, trying to decide where he wanted to sit. His eyes fell on a small table on the walkway. He strolled over to it and realized with delight it was a chess table. Sure enough, there were two little boxes beneath the table holding the pieces. He hadn’t played chess since he left home, and even then, it had been a while. 

He looked around again to see if he spotted any familiar faces. He had no idea who would even play chess here. Seeing no one he knew, he decided to set up the board anyway as an invitation to anyone who might want to join him for a game. He still had his book, after all, so it wouldn’t be a waste of a day if no one did.

The pieces set up, Dorian leaned back in his chair casually and waited. He opened his book but couldn’t keep his attention on it for long as his eyes kept flitting back to the board. He started moving some pieces around in a half-hearted attempt at a game against himself, but it wasn’t much of a challenge when you always knew your opponent’s next move. 

He alternated between reading a few pages and moving the pieces around for a while, until he finally sighed and gave up. He wanted to feel disappointed, but he wasn’t sure what he really expected. He knew what people thought of him. No one – save Bull and a few others – interacted with him, so this should not have come as a surprise. 

He put the pieces away and stood up and stretched. He decided he probably had a couple hours until dinner and headed the short distance to his room. He couldn't settle on what he needed more - a nap or a great deal of alcohol. 

*****

Dorian stopped by the garden occasionally from there on out, usually to read for a couple hours. He went mainly for a change in scenery, but never sat at the chess table after that first day. He never saw anyone approach the table either, so he soon resigned himself to the fact that it would merely sit there and collect dust.

 _Such a shame this place is full of uncultured brutes,_ he thought, regrettably. The garden started holding less and less appeal for him, so it was just a matter of time before he stopped going altogether.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I listen to too much sad music when I write Dorian's chapters. 
> 
> For reference, I imagine Dorian's room is in one of those fixed up rooms above the garden area that you can access through one of the library doors. He has to sleep somewhere, right? The landing where he watches Cullen is the one where Hawke meets the Inquisitor. I also have no idea about this chess table, since it's not there normally. I'm describing it based on the public ones I've seen in real life.
> 
> And yeah, Bull was a little jealous ;)
> 
> Thanks again for reading! Feedback always welcome.


	6. Blush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen finds a way to relax and has an awkward encounter with Dorian.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cullen's point of view of the last chapter is broken into 2 parts. I don't know why, I just thought it flowed better that way. This chapter is a little shorter than the next.
> 
> Also, I really like walks. Battlement walks for everyone! It may sound repetitive but it's there for a reason.
> 
> Again, not beta'd, etc. Feel free to point things out if you see them.

Cullen attempted to keep his promise to Leliana. He had been meaning to meet with the Inquisitor’s friends, and these social visits weren’t _technically_ work, even if he did gather useful information in the process. He was being efficient, he told himself. Killing two birds with one stone. 

Some of these visits went better than others.

He spent the next few days seeking out the people on his list. He didn’t bother speaking to Cassandra, Solas or Varric. They had had a chance to get to know each other back at Haven (or in Varric’s case, Kirkwall). He knew all he needed to know about Dorian.

Cullen genuinely enjoying talking to Blackwall and the Iron Bull, two very skilled warriors with plenty of stories to share between them. Bull had a tongue-in-cheek sense of humor while Blackwall appeared much more reserved – closer to Cullen’s own personality – and he could see the two of them becoming friendly. Vivienne alternated between cooing over Cullen and interrogating him about leaving the Templars. He left feeling mentally exhausted. He spent five minutes with Sera before deciding that was a horrible idea, and excused himself as quickly as possible. He couldn’t even find Cole.

On his way back to his quarters that evening, he realized that he had spoken to everyone he had intended to over the last few days.

_I tried,_ he thought. Maybe those few days would be enough to convince Leliana this was going to be a regular occurrence. 

She gave him a pointed look during a war table meeting a few days later however, and he knew he wasn't off the hook.

There was too much to do, and Cullen really couldn't tolerate the idea of wasting any of his already too-little time. After a particularly drawn-out war table meeting, he decided to go for a walk to clear his head before he returned to his quarters. 

He walked along the battlements ( _checking on defenses,_ he told himself) and decided he rather liked just walking alone with his thoughts. Everyone seemed to scurry out of his way when he passed, so he wasn’t bothered for the majority of his walk. He took two turns around the castle before ending in the training yard.

“Commander, will you be joining us for dinner this evening?” asked Cassandra as she realigned a training dummy.

“Is it dinner already?” Cullen asked, surprised. He was both anxious and pleased that time had slipped away so easily. He hadn’t felt this peaceful in a while. If a simple walk around the castle was all it took to relax him, well…maybe he could find some time to take a break after all. 

“Not tonight,” he replied. “I fear I have neglected some of my duties this afternoon. Perhaps I’ll stop by the tavern later this evening.”

Cassandra looked wary but did not force the issue. “You are…feeling alright, Commander?” she asked, cautiously. 

“Yes, I’m fine,” he replied. He gave her a wry smile. “In fact, you may tell Leliana that I might have found the diversion she has so encouraged.” 

Cassandra smiled in return. “Good, she will be pleased to hear it. Take care, Commander.” With that, she turned back to the dummies and Cullen went back to his quarters.

*****

He stretched a few hours later, having made a small dent in his work. He realized it must be late and he should turn in for the night when he felt a slight rumble in his stomach.

_Oh right, dinner,_ he thought. He doubted there was anything left at this point, but maybe Cabot had some bread or cheese in the back he could pilfer. 

He decided to drop a missive off in Josephine’s office on the way, causing him to take a more roundabout route to the tavern. He was lost in thought as he approached, until the sound of loud cheering from inside snapped him out of his thoughts. 

He hoped he could slip in unnoticed by whatever group (the Chargers, he imagined) was causing all the commotion, grab his food and leave. He began to open the door when he heard a voice chuckle on the other side, speaking in a low, suggestive voice.

“How about we just get you into bed?” the voice said.

The door opened the rest of the way and Cullen came face to face with what appeared to be a slightly intoxicated Dorian draped over the Iron Bull, who was looking at him with amusement. Cullen’s mind went blank as he looked at them, taking in the image before him and piecing it together with the words he had just overheard. 

_Maker, are they…?_ he thought with discomfort. Cullen could feel himself blush as the realization hit him. He looked away as he backed up, gesturing for them to continue onward. He knew Bull could tell he was uncomfortable as well, judging by the grin on his face. 

Cullen avoided making eye contact with either as they began to walk away. Until Dorian spoke.

"Commander," Dorian said in a slightly muffled voice. "Come to push me around a bit more?"

Bull’s eyes snapped to his face as Cullen began to blush darker, eyes darting between the two of them and a strange weight sinking into the pit of his stomach. What was he supposed to say? He tried to apologize once before and the man would have none of it. And now he had a very large, very protective Qunari embracing him. Cullen opened his mouth to speak but Dorian kept talking.

"Maybe I want _Cullen_ to take me to bed instead, Bull," Dorian giggled. 

The words sent a jolt through Cullen. He wasn't naïve enough to miss the implication behind the statement. He shifted from foot to foot as he rubbed the back of his neck in nervousness, still at a loss for words. Thankfully, Bull seemed as anxious to get out of the situation as he did, and started to drag Dorian away. But not before he shot one last glare at Cullen.

“Night, Commander,” he said, pointedly. 

Cullen stood outside the tavern door, watching the duo walk away. He glanced back at the building, but after that exchange decided he didn’t really feel like eating anymore.

He began to walk absentmindedly back to his quarters. Dorian’s words replayed over in his head as he tried to get a grip on what exactly he was feeling. He disliked the man, yet felt a bit sorry for him at the same time. He could tell Dorian was very guarded and defensive, using his wit as a shield to keep people away. He also seemed quite intelligent, and was obviously very skilled at magic. Cullen could not deny the man was attractive, and he was definitely charming. 

He paused for a moment. Was he really standing here, cataloguing Dorian’s finer qualities? 

_Maker, what has gotten into me tonight?_ he thought as he resumed his pace. 

The feelings warred within him. Dorian was clearly drunk, at least a little. The words most likely meant nothing, just said to rile Cullen up, as he had done so many times before. Yet other incidents began to come forward in his mind, other times Dorian had flirted with him or implied he found the Commander attractive. 

_He probably says such things to everyone,_ Cullen thought. _Why should I think I’m special?_ He shook his head, pushing the thoughts out of his mind. He was dwelling on this too deeply. He resolved to at least be kinder to Dorian when their paths crossed from now on, despite the way Dorian seemed to go out of his way to provoke him. 

He tried not to imagine what was most likely going on in Dorian’s quarters at the moment, and he _definitely_ did not acknowledge the brief flare of jealousy that went with it. 

Cullen squared his shoulders as he opened the door to his quarters. He climbed into his loft and prepared for bed, both food and work forgotten for the night. 

_There is no time for such distractions,_ he thought. _Especially not distractions named Dorian Pavus._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2nd part of this chapter will be up soon!


	7. This Night Has Opened My Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen is a big ol' chicken. Bull and Cullen have a conversation. And Cullen (eventually) falls into some kind of routine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, Cullen...*sigh*
> 
> Sorry this is up a bit later than I wanted. Had some family unexpectedly drop by last night which ate up a lot of my editing time.

Cullen avoided both Dorian and Bull for the next several days. This wasn't a difficult task, as he rarely came in contact with them on a normal day, but he left his quarters even less than usual. He feigned a cold and had his meals brought to his office, which also provided him with an excuse to give Leliana as to why he wasn't “relaxing” like he promised.

Try as he might, Cullen still couldn't get the incident out of his head. He spent more than one night lying in bed, staring at the sky through his broken ceiling and trying to methodically go over his feelings in search of an answer. 

He came to the conclusion that yes, Dorian was incredibly vain, didn't know when to stop talking and was an incredible nuisance. But this was most likely a case of him going on the offensive to keep people at a distance. 

_It's certainly working,_ Cullen thought. 

But he had also seen glimpses of the man that were much more encouraging. Dorian cared deeply for his homeland and wanted to fix the wrongs in his society. He went out of his way to care for Chancellor Roderick as he was dying. When he wasn't boasting, he was incredibly helpful with his contacts and information from Tevinter, and volunteered them freely. All of this painted a very conflicting picture.

After about a week Cullen decided he needed to stop this farce and get back to his normal life. With his cold declared banished, he started going for his walks again and sometimes joining the others for meals. He discovered that Lavellan had left recently on a brief trip to Val Royeaux and had taken Dorian with her. 

Cullen didn't want to admit that he was relieved he didn't have to face the man immediately. But Dorian wasn't the only one Cullen had been avoiding.

A couple nights after his reemergence, Cullen decided to have dinner in the tavern. He went a little later, hoping most of the patrons there for dinner would have left, and he was correct. He had an out-of-the-way table he preferred, and he settled in after the serving girl came to take his order. It was then that he heard a low, rumbling voice say “Commander?” behind him. 

Cullen knew who it was and braced himself for whatever was going to come next. He turned around, trying to appear casual.

“Hello, Bull, would you care to join me?” he asked, indifferently. Bull seemed to think about it for a minute and then nodded as he took the chair across from Cullen.

“Hadn't seen you around lately. Thought maybe the boss was keeping you chained up somewhere,” Bull snorted. Cullen gave a bemused smile and Bull started to laugh. 

“Said that same thing about you to Solas the other day and he didn't find it nearly as funny,” Bull winked as he studied Cullen over the rim of his glass.

Cullen's food had arrived and he ate in silence as Bull continued to chat about their other colleagues. He was relieved things seemed to be normal between them. 

“So. Cullen,” Bull began casually, changing the subject. “Did you leave anyone behind in Kirkwall?”

“I have a few fellow Templars who remained to keep the –“

“No,” Bull said shaking his head. “I meant like a lady friend or something,” he said, grinning. 

“Oh,” Cullen flushed. “No, nothing of that sort. I had no time for such uh…endeavors.”

“Uh huh,” Bull said in disbelief. “Well what about here? There's plenty of pretty ladies around that I'm sure would jump at the chance.” He paused briefly. “Cassandra might be a good choice.”

Cullen nearly spit out his drink. “I do not believe Cassandra is interested, nor am I,” he stammered. “I mean…Lady…Seeker Cassandra is a fine woman and –“ 

“Okay, okay, calm down, big guy. But there's no one else?” Bull pressed, leaning forward conspiratorially. 

“I…have not been looking for any ‘lady friends’, as you put it.” He could tell he was going red again, but he hoped in the dim light it wasn't very noticeable. Where was Bull going with this line of conversation?

“Hmmm. So, you're into guys then?” Bull concluded, sitting back in his seat. “So are you a top or –“ 

“Enough!”. He pushed his plate away as he prepared to stand. “I am not ‘into’ anyone right now Bull, that's what I'm trying to tell you. I have no time to allow myself such a distraction.” An image of Dorian flashed in his head before he could help it. 

Bull took the hint and stood as well. “No harm meant, Commander,” he said as Cullen moved to leave. 

“None taken. Although I think perhaps you’ll find a more interesting subject to grill elsewhere,” Cullen replied briskly. “Good evening.” With that, he left.

*****

Cullen was frustrated as he made his way back to his quarters. He didn't like people prying into his personal life. He began to wonder if Bull had a motive behind his questioning. Maybe it was an excuse for him to lay claim to Dorian? The thought twisted in his stomach. Would that have made things better or worse? If he learned for sure that Dorian and Bull were together then maybe it would be the push Cullen needed to rid himself of this sudden infatuation ( _not infatuation,_ he told himself, _just…attentiveness_ ). 

He sat down at his desk once he returned to his quarters, intending to get a bit more work done before turning in for the night. He found it hard to concentrate, and finally gave up after a few hours. This was turning into exactly the kind of disruption he wanted to avoid. He went to bed, but had a difficult time sleeping, tossing and turning all night. 

Cullen awoke earlier than usual the next morning. He did not lead the troops in their morning drills every day, instead trading off with lieutenants every second or third day. This was one of the days he did not need to conduct them, so he decided to head to the training yard and practice for a while by himself before they arrived.

He dressed in a loose fitting shirt and pants. He wanted to drill more for exercise than precision, so he left his armor behind and took a practice sword with him. He was able to train for a little over an hour before the first troops started to arrive, keeping themselves at a polite distance until the Commander finished. 

Cullen felt drained yet energized at the same time. He was able to take out the aggravation from the previous week on the poor training dummy and it felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. It was a good feeling, he decided as he left the yard, and one he should engage in more often.

*****

Cullen finally fell into somewhat of a schedule after that. Some mornings he would wake up early and go to the practice yard before he started his day. And, to the satisfaction of Leliana, he made sure he took periodic breaks to unwind. He wasn’t perfect, and he still worked much more than he should, but he became more attuned to when his body needed a rest.

It was during one of these walks when he caught a glimpse of a familiar profile in the garden. He paused on the battlement to get a closer look, holding off on descending the stairs. Sure enough, it was Dorian sitting at the chess table. He knew the mage returned to Skyhold a couple days prior, but the two hadn’t crossed paths since then. 

Dorian was sitting in one of the chairs but he was reading a book, even though the pieces were set up on the board. Dorian would absentmindedly move some of the pieces around, and then settle back into his book.

He must be waiting for someone, Cullen thought. He hesitated for a moment. Part of him wanted to wait and see who Dorian was meeting, but another part told him to just move on. The sight of the chess table brought back fond memories of his childhood, playing with his siblings. He honestly hadn’t given the game a thought, although he had passed by the board on many occasions. It was never being used, so it was easy to overlook.

He rested his hands on the ledge, deep in thought. This would be the perfect opportunity to approach the mage in a neutral setting. He could ask for a friendly game and prove there were no hard feelings. If Dorian turned him down, well…he could tell himself he tried. 

But he didn’t want to be turned down. He had a growing desire to speak to the man, clear the air and perhaps start over. He had become intrigued with the image of Dorian he had constructed and he wanted to learn more. Deep inside, he felt that Dorian would be receptive to the idea, if it seemed genuine. But if Cullen came off the wrong way, he would be dismissed with no further thought and Cullen would be left in the same position he was in right now. 

The fear of rejection and humiliation ended up outweighing any courage he might have mustered.

 _Here is the mighty Commander of the Inquisition, too scared to ask another man to play chess. Maker's breath..._ Cullen ridiculed himself as he turned around. He decided to double back the way he came instead of walking through the garden itself and risking an encounter. 

Once he returned to his desk and settled in with his paperwork he kicked himself for not taking the opportunity when he had it. He decided to work for a bit, and then return to the garden. If Dorian was still there, Cullen could discover who the person was that he was meeting; if he was alone, Cullen would approach him. With that decided, he began to go through his reports.

*****

A little while and a few reports later, Cullen decided enough time had passed for him to return to the garden. He walked briskly, looking as if he was on his way to an important meeting so no one would stop him To chat.

He reached the same landing he was on earlier and peered into the garden. To his disappointment, Dorian was gone and the chess set packed away. It was either a short match or Dorian and his parter decided to leave, Cullen reasoned. Either way, he was disheartened with the turn of events. He hadn't considered the idea that Dorian would not be here at all. 

He decided to walk down the stairs and complete his cycle around the garden – the one he had avoided earlier – just to be sure. But Dorian was no where in sight. He entered into the main hall, said a brief hello to Varric, and then returned to his chambers once more. 

_There’s nothing I can do,_ he thought, as he settled back into the weight of his work. _Maybe it's the Maker’s will,_ Cullen reasoned. _If he means for Dorian and I to converse, it will happen._ Hopefully.

The next few days Cullen took his breaks around the same time as the day previous, telling himself a variety of excuses as to why he had to go at that specific time. In reality, he wanted to see if Dorian was in the garden again. He stood firm on the decision he made. He would either see who Dorian was with, or he would approach him for a game. 

Dorian was not there the first day. Or the second day. By the third day Cullen became frustrated. He asked Lavellan in the next war table meeting if she had sent Dorian on a mission somewhere and she replied no, her big eyes widening as she tried to remember if she did and forgot about it. Josephine assured them both that Dorian was in Skyhold, probably in the library. Leliana was giving Cullen a smug look that he chose to ignore.

Cullen tried the following few days as well. He didn't want to approach Dorian out of no where and ask for a game, he wanted it to appear natural, as if he just stumbled upon the table the same time Dorian had.

 _What a coincidence! Let's play a match or two and get to know each other. Splendid idea!_ Cullen went over the phony conversation in his head. 

After about a week with no luck, Cullen gave up. He had been increasing his walks to the area more frequently, up to 3 or 4 times a day, and Dorian was never around. 

_Maker, I'm beginning to look like a stalker,_ Cullen thought with horror one afternoon. He resolved not to go out there any more that day, and to cut his walks back significantly from here on out.

He felt a little better after that. He was going to piece his world back together the way it was supposed to be. He jumped back into his work in better spirits. Things would be alright. He had plenty of work to focus on, and with only one walk per day now, there would be more time to finish it. He was in high spirits as he worked, and decided after a few more hours he would head down to the tavern to get some dinner and perhaps a drink or two. He would push all these unwelcome feelings away, and things would go back to normal. He was stoic, determined, not a man who ran from a table piled with painted game pieces. 

_Okay, tough guy. We all know it was the person you ran from, not the game,_ he thought unhappily. 

Cullen jumped back into his work, attempting to clear everything that didn't have to do with the Western Approach out of his mind. He finished up a few hours later and decided to head down to the tavern for dinner. 

Bull might be there with the Chargers, but he could wave them all off. He just wanted a brief meal, alone with his thoughts for a little while before going back into the lion’s den. Cullen finished up the last note he was writing, stood up and made his way to the tavern. 

_This is good,_ he thought. _Routine, order. I can do this._

He felt more positive than he had in a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise I won't keep these two away from each other much longer! Doesn't mean things will get less awkward, but you know...
> 
> I'm going to take a couple days before posting the next chapter, just cause I have a lot of irl work to get done. I'm thinking Wednesday night or Thursday. 
> 
> Thank you all again for the nice words, I'm glad you're enjoying this! Feedback always welcome, as usual :)


	8. Such a Little Thing Makes Such a Big Difference

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All Dorian needs is a little push...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a segue chapter before the fluff starts to arrive.

Dorian’s trip to Val Royeaux with Lavellan was uneventful, but provided him with a nice break from Skyhold. He needed some time away to clear his head from the irritations of the last week or so; especially his recent encounter with Cullen.

Once Dorian arrived back at Skyhold he quickly fell back into his everyday pattern and (fortunately) had not come face-to-face with Cullen as of yet. The mage hadn’t forgotten his blunder in front of the Commander. Nor had he forgotten the sight of the man practicing in the training yard. 

He was sitting with Bull in the tavern one night after dinner when the subject of the Commander came up.

“So, I had an interesting chat with Cullen the other day,” Bull began.

“Oh, really?” Dorian replied calmly, running a finger around the rim of his mug. “And what did our distinguished Commander have to say for himself?”

Bull eyed him for a moment before answering. “Not much,” he finally replied. “Just a little talk about the Inquisition. The time he spent in Kirkwall. Who he likes to sleep with…” Dorian choked on his drink as Bull continued, unperturbed. “You know, stuff like that.”

“What—“ Dorian began. 

“There he is!” Bull yelled towards the door, cutting him off. Dorian turned in his seat to see Cullen in the doorway, looking at Bull with confusion. Dorian felt his face grow hot and turned back around.

“Commander, I was just talking about you!” Bull yelled extremely loudly in Dorian’s ear. “Wanna come join us?” he finished, as Dorian groaned and bowed his head. He did not need this right now.

“Oh, um…no thank you,” Cullen hesitated slightly. “Maybe some other time.” He glanced at Dorian, who was still pointedly not looking at him. 

Cullen went and took a seat at his usual table and Bull turned back towards Dorian, a grin on his face.

“So, like I was saying.” 

Dorian just rolled his eyes and gestured for another drink. They resumed their previous conversation with no more mention of Cullen. 

Dorian did, however, turn slightly so he could get a better view of Cullen. The man sat alone with some reports, and Dorian noticed people periodically nod and say hello as they passed. Cullen would nod in response but otherwise he sat silently, reading and drinking as he waited for his food.

Dorian wondered how uncomfortable it would have been if Cullen had joined them, and he was silently thankful that the man declined. He watched the Commander over the rim of his mug as he murmured responses periodically to Bull. He was definitely a sight for sore eyes, Dorian thought. He noticed Cullen glance their way once, but turned back quickly when he saw Dorian looking.

Dorian could hear Bull still talking in the background but he had lost track of the conversation.

“Well?” Bull asked.

“Sorry, what?” Dorian said, turning back to the Qunari.

Bull smirked. “I asked you why you don't just go over there.”

“I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about,” Dorian scowled in response.

Bull shook his head as he drained the last of his drink and stood. “Well, I have some things I need to take of. I'll see you later, Dorian.”

“What? What could you possibly have to do at this hour?” Dorian exclaimed. “You're leaving me on purpose, aren’t you?” 

“Nope,” Bull grinned. “Good luck.” With that, he turned and walked away, leaving Dorian alone.

Dorian sighed. _There’s no point in sitting here pining over the man,_ he thought. _I could leave. Or I could go over there, call a truce, convince myself he’s not interested, and_ then _leave_.

He mulled over his options for a few moments before looking over at Cullen again, seeing the man unmoved and still eating. Dorian made up his mind as he drained the rest of his mug and walked over to the bar, far enough away from Cullen that he couldn't overhear.

“Another for me and another of whatever the Commander is drinking. I'll bring it over,” he said to Cabot in a low voice.

_Let's just get this over and done with and out of my system,_ he thought as Cabot returned with two mugs. Dorian nodded his thanks before taking a deep breath, and approached Cullen's table.

*****

“You know, Commander, dinner is much more enjoyable with company,” Dorian said as he sat opposite Cullen. Cullen jumped as he looked up from his paperwork, so engrossed he hadn’t even noticed Dorian approach.

“And lucky for you,” Dorian continued, placing one of the mugs in front of the Commander, “you are honored to be speaking to the most fascinating individual in all of Skyhold.” He smirked at Cullen, almost in challenge, as he settled back in his chair, waiting for a response.

“I…you do not need to pity me, Dorian,” Cullen began, unsure. “I am fine on my own.” He paused as he saw a flicker of disappointment cross Dorian’s face. “But,” he continued, “I would welcome the conversation, if you are so inclined.” 

“Splendid!” Dorian smiled, raising one eyebrow as he looked expectantly at Cullen. Cullen paused with his fork halfway to his mouth.

“Um,” he started, “how was your trip to Val Royeaux?” 

They made idle conversation over the next several minutes as Cullen continued eating. Dorian was amazed at how quickly he relaxed around the Commander, considering their past interactions. Cullen seemed at ease as well, which Dorian took as a good sign. Maybe this would be easier than he thought.

After a bit they both lapsed into a bit of an awkward silence, having run out of small talk. They sat like that for a moment as Cullen finished his dinner. He noticed the man shoot him an uncertain look.

“I saw you in the garden,” Cullen blurted out, face turning red as soon as the words were out of his mouth. Dorian couldn't hide the look of surprise that flashed across his face.

“You'll have to refresh my memory, Commander,” he replied. “But I don’t recall seeing you.”

“Oh, ah, it was a couple weeks ago I suppose,” Cullen replied, fiddling with what remained on his plate. “You were waiting for someone at the chess table. I was…in a hurry, so I couldn't stop and say hello.” 

Dorian’s shock turned to delight. “Do you play?” he asked, hopefully. He decided to ignore the Commander’s assumption as to why he was alone that day. 

“I do,” Cullen replied as his face lit up. He put his fork down and looked at Dorian with a wistful smile. “I used to play with my siblings quite often. It has been a long time though, I fear I am out of practice,” he chuckled softly. 

“You should join me for a game sometime,” Dorian suggested. 

“I…would like that,” Cullen said shyly, as he lowered his eyes. 

“How about tomorrow?” Dorian asked, leaning forward. _Too enthusiastic,_ he chided himself. What was he doing? This conversation was supposed to cut his tie to Cullen, not bring them closer. 

Cullen opened his mouth to reply but Dorian cut in quickly. “If you're not too busy, of course.”

Cullen smiled softly. “Tomorrow would be fine,” he replied. 

“Mid-day, then?” Dorian asked. “I can meet you in the garden after I've taken my lunch.” 

Cullen nodded his assent as he stood. “I'm afraid I must be off, however. I need to have this report finished tonight.” 

Dorian smirked as he relaxed back in his chair. “Off with you, then.” 

"Til tomorrow," Cullen said as he began to leave. Dorian saw him pause as he turned back around.

“And thank you for the company,” Cullen said softly as he smiled once again. 

Dorian’s stomach fluttered at the compliment and could only nod as the man left. He remained in his seat, slowly finishing his drink as he processed what had just occurred. 

_You are a foolish man, Dorian Pavus,_ he thought with a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally time for these guys to turn it up a notch! I guess you could say we're going from cold to warm? 
> 
> If any of you have an opinion, I'm curious if you think I'm fleshing out their personalities enough, or if there should be more explanation (inner thoughts, longer scenes, etc.) I keep debating and I've been opting for the shorter versions. 
> 
> And along those same lines, I was asked somewhere else how long this fic would be, and...I have a lot of chapters outlined, lol. Multiple parts to the main story and a bunch of one-shots here and there. These two dorks have given me a lot of inspiration.
> 
> Thank you again, you're all great :)


	9. This Charming Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen muses on his feelings; Dorian and Cullen have their first chess match

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Experimented in this chapter with a slightly longer word count (about an extra 1000 words than the others) and doing a POV switch in the middle. Normally I probably would have divided them so *shrugs* let's see how it goes.
> 
>  And again, I don't own any of these characters. No beta either, so blame any mistakes on me.

Cullen left the tavern that evening with a barely-concealed smile. Just when he had decided to push all thoughts of Dorian out of his mind, the man approached _him_ instead. Not only approached him, but invited him to spend time together the next day.

 _It’s not a date,_ he told himself. He kept going over the conversation in his head, but the more he analyzed it, the more he began to doubt himself. Maybe Dorian just felt bad that he was sitting alone (though it was by choice) and it was a pity visit. Maybe Bull put him up to it? Why was he suddenly being nice to Cullen, when he had never done so before?

By the time he reached his room his mood had slowly dipped from joy to anxiousness. He sat at his desk with his paperwork, determined to stop thinking of the next day and finish his report. 

_The Inquisitor will have my head if this isn't done,_ he thought. 

He shook his head and began to work, telling himself he could worry about Dorian, chess, and everything that went with it later.

*****

Cullen worked well into the night. He had a feeling he wasn't going to get much sleep anyway, so he didn't really mind. Once he finished the report, he found that he wasn’t tired enough to sleep yet, so he decided to go for a quick walk to think things over and (hopefully) calm himself down enough that he could rest for a bit.

 _A nap only, at this point,_ he thought as he headed out. 

He walked at a more leisurely pace than usual. With only the night guards out on watch, Skyhold was silent and empty. It provided him with enough quiet to focus his thoughts, and as he reached the garden, he decided to sit at the table where he would be joining Dorian in a few hours. 

Cullen examined the board as he sat, leaning forward on an elbow as he rested his head on his hand. He absentmindedly traced the blocks with his fingers, trying to collect his thoughts. He needed to sort out his feelings for Dorian before meeting the man the next afternoon. He knew that he viewed Dorian differently than he had when he first met the man. He also knew his evolving view stemmed from curiosity of the mage’s true personality. But that opinion had somehow changed into something more, especially after Dorian’s drunken comment that night in front of the tavern. Cullen pinpointed that as the moment when he really allowed himself to start thinking of Dorian as a potential…friend? 

_More than a friend,_ he admitted to himself. He had been trying to deny the thought, but it seemed like the more he pushed it away, the more glaring it appeared in his mind.

He was under the assumption, based on comments like the one at the tavern, that Dorian preferred men. But obviously that did not mean he preferred _Cullen_. It was thoughts like those that were gnawing at him. 

_Strategy,_ he thought. _There must always be a plan._ He began to weigh the possibilities of what could happen the next day, trying to develop a reaction for each one. But Dorian could be unpredictable, he remembered. He didn't know the man well enough to know what might upset him, as he had inadvertently done in the past. Maybe he should follow Dorians lead at first. 

_Plus,_ Cullen thought, _I should be concentrating on the chess game, not Dorian._ Maybe he wouldn't need to do much talking anyway. He finally decided to leave things up to chance. If things went well, it would be much easier to approach the man in the future. If things went badly, well…it might be hard to swallow at first, but he would get over it. And he would move on, as he always did. 

_He could not show up at all,_ the cruel voice said in the back of his mind. Cullen's stomach knotted at the thought. He didn't want to think about that possibility. He sighed as he sat back and looked up at the night sky. It would be dawn in a few hours, and although he didn’t need to lead the drills that morning, he would still instinctively wake up at daybreak. He decided to try and get a few hours’ sleep; enough that he wouldn't pass out on the chessboard, at least.

He made the slow walk back to his quarters and into bed.

*****

Cullen woke early, as he expected. He groaned as he rolled over and buried his face in his pillow. How was he more tired now than when he went to sleep? He tried to think if there was anything that absolutely required him to get out of bed right away, although he knew he would anyway. 

_I can skip breakfast,_ he thought. _Need to bring Lavellan her report. Go through any new missives. Oh Maker…the chess match…_ He bolted upright at the last thought, looking around the room in alarm. He still had plenty of time before he was due in the garden; plenty of time to get his head on straight, he assured himself.

He quickly washed up and dressed, grabbed the necessary paperwork and headed to the war room earlier than he was expected. Fortunately (he supposed), he was detained for quite a while with the other advisors, going over new information that had arrived from one of their outposts. Lavellan began to organize a journey to the area, and Cullen had a brief moment of panic that she would decide to take Dorian and they would miss their appointment. She did not, and Cullen breathed a sigh of relief that he hoped went unnoticed by the other three women.

By the time he left, he only had a couple hours until he met Dorian. He decided to skip a full lunch, instead sending a recruit to bring a plate of fruit and cheese for him to snack on while he quickly went over his paperwork. He wasn’t hungry, but he could feel his body becoming fatigued from barely sleeping and not having eaten anything yet that day.

Cullen imagined he must look exhausted as well. He climbed back up to his loft after his work was completed, taking a long look at himself in the mirror. He needed a shave badly and his hair was unruly from the quick comb through he did that morning.

 _Maker, I can’t go out like this,_ he thought. He still had fresh water left in his basin, so Cullen quickly stripped off his cloak and upper clothing and washed himself. He took the time to do his hair properly, and slowly shaved, taking more care than usual. He searched the room briefly, finally coming across the seldom-used bottle of aftershave lotion he had been given as a gift one year. He applied some of the liquid to his face, the woody, herbal smell reminding him of the forests back home. 

Cullen shook his head as he chuckled quietly to himself in disbelief. He had used the lotion maybe twice since he had received it, never wanting to waste it unnecessarily. 

_Apparently Dorian is an acceptable excuse,_ he mused. The thought did make him a little nervous. Why was he going through so much effort for a simple chess match?

 _Because I want to impress him,_ he admitted. Cullen redressed, taking care to check that everything was clean and in its place. He decided it was close enough to their meeting time that he could head to the garden and await Dorian’s arrival. 

He took a deep breath as he walked down the stairs. _Everything will be fine,_ he reassured himself, as stepped into the yard.

*****

Dorian had not yet arrived, and although Cullen felt another fleeting moment of panic that he was not going to arrive, he quickly calmed down and sat at the table to wait. He decided to arrange the pieces on the board in the meantime. He was just about finished when he heard a voice approach.

“You spoil me already, Commander, doing all the heavy lifting before I arrive,” Dorian joked as he sat down. 

Cullen noticed Dorian also appeared to be freshly-groomed, and was even wearing a different outfit than usual. A similar style, but this one was a very flattering cream color that Cullen felt complimented his skin tone.

 _Why are you thinking about his skin?_ Cullen thought frantically. _Stop thinking about his skin!_

Cullen averted his eyes as he smiled nervously. 

“I do what I can,” he replied. “I even let you be white,” he said as he gestured to the pieces in front of Dorian.

“Are you implying I need an advantage, Commander?” Dorian said with mock offense.

Cullen frowned. Dorian must have taken notice because his smile went from mocking to gentle.

“You just remember that you gave me the advantage after I hand you your defeat,” he teased Cullen, as he made the first move.

Cullen smiled in relief as he turned his concentration on the game. They both played in silence for a while as they focused. Eventually, Dorian turned his gaze on Cullen as the Commander sat hunched over, staring intently as he took a particularly long time making his next move.

Cullen glanced up from the board to see Dorian’s eyes trained on him, a slight smirk on his mouth. He looked back to the board quickly, but sensing that Dorian was still watching him, he sat up straight and looked at the man in confusion.

“I was just admiring how dapper you look today, Commander,” Dorian said, grinning as Cullen’s face began to turn red. “You’re not quite at my level yet, of course,” he continued, gesturing matter-of-factly at himself, “but I dare say there’s potential. I rather like it.”

Cullen was speechless. _Say something clever! Don’t mention his skin,_ he prompted himself.

“I like your...outskin,” he blurted. He closed his eyes and sighed as he felt his face turn hot. “ _Outfit_. I like your outfit,” he corrected himself. “Maker’s breath…I apologize. I’m not very good at this sort of thing, am I?” He shook his head as Dorian laughed good-naturedly.

“I’m flattered you noticed, actually,” Dorian remarked, still smiling. “I did wear it for the occasion.” 

Cullen couldn’t help but laugh at himself. The tension broke and they both turned their attention back to the game. 

~~~~~~

Dorian found himself thoroughly charmed.

He had arrived in the garden about the same time as Cullen, but upon seeing the man approach the table Dorian hung back. He could immediately tell that Cullen had gone out of his way to present himself that afternoon; he looked freshly shaven, still slightly pink in the face from a wash, and his hair was neatly styled. Dorian couldn’t help the slight thrill that went through him, realizing that the Commander did this for him.

Dorian watched as Cullen took a seat at the table. The man was nervous, that much was obvious, but he masked it as he took the pieces from beneath the table and set them up. Dorian took that as his cue to greet the man. 

The two fell into an easy rhythm as they started playing, and Dorian was impressed with the Commander’s skill. Even if he hadn’t played in a while, as he claimed, he was obviously very good. Their conversation was slim, as both concentrated on the game, but the little they shared was lighthearted and natural.

As the game progressed, Cullen took longer and longer to take his turn. Dorian used the time to more thoroughly take in the man’s demeanor. Dorian had always viewed the military-types to be much more stoic and boring, but beneath the surface he could see that Cullen was warmhearted and had a good sense of humor. He could also sense that Cullen was still cautious around him, almost uncertain in how he should act.

It was during these musings that Cullen decided to lift his head and meet Dorian’s gaze. Dorian was not the type to look away when faced when a challenge, so he held his ground and did not look away. Cullen looked at him a second time, the confusion clearly written on his face. Dorian decided to test the waters a bit by paying Cullen a compliment.

The Commander’s reaction – and subsequent blunder – only succeeded in enamoring the man to Dorian even more. He allowed the Commander a reprieve and turned his attention back to the game, even if his mind was a million miles away.

Dorian couldn’t help but continue to admire the man as the game went on. Cullen seemed to sense it, and once again met Dorian’s gaze.

“Is there something on my face that I’m not aware of?” Cullen asked in amusement. 

Dorian leaned forward slightly as he grinned. 

“Perhaps it’s an old distraction technique, Commander,” he lied, not wanting to reveal his actual thoughts a second time. “Me staring, I mean. Is it working?”

Cullen looked flustered as he gazed back at the board.

“Perhaps,” he admitted with a sheepish grin. “I, ah, do believe you have this game.”

Dorian looked at the board himself, and was shocked to see that the Commander was correct. He triumphantly made his move, effectively ending the game as Cullen had no other options remaining. He turned back to Cullen, prepared to gloat over his victory when he felt a pang of guilt. 

_You didn’t exactly win fairly if he lost on account of you staring at him like a madman,_ he rebuked himself. He decided to change his course of action.

“I admit I rather enjoyed our time together, Commander,” Dorian began. “You are far more clever than I gave you credit for. I’d be willing to arrange a rematch…when you have the time.” He was tense as the words came out of his mouth. This was Cullen’s chance to cease any contact with the mage, if that was what he desired.

“How about tomorrow?” Cullen asked immediately. The Commander grinned in embarrassment as he realized how eager he sounded, his hand moving to rub the back of his neck. Dorian chuckled softly. 

“It’s a date.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: I ended up spending about 45 minutes reading about the history of shaving while I was writing this, lol. I wanted to make sure aftershave was a thing back then. And yes, apparently it's an ancient practice. The more you know...
> 
> I also lowered the rating on this one. For those of you who are waiting for the smut, it's coming! Just not in this part (sorry!). I think I'm about halfway done part one, so it will make sense once we get there. I really did mean a slow burn!
> 
> Thoughts on the longer chapter? POV thoughts? I feel like it worked well but I'm horrible at rating my own stuff. 
> 
> But thank you all again, I love all of your feedback!


	10. Is It Really So Strange?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen and Dorian receive very different reactions to their new-found friendship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to squeeze them both.

Cullen and Dorian began to play chess together three or four times a week, generally forming a schedule around how busy Cullen was or whether or not Dorian was away from Skyhold with Lavellan. Their times varied as well, and Dorian noticed (because he was partially guilty of it) that they started planning their matches close to meals. Sometimes after a match one would casually remark that they were hungry, and asked the other to join them for dinner. They gravitated towards each other without even realizing it. It was only polite to extend an invitation to eat, after all. And if it started becoming a regular part of every game, well that just couldn’t be helped, could it?

Members of the Inquisition’s inner circle were beginning to take notice of the growing friendship between the pair, and most discovered they weren’t that surprised at the turn of events. Bull seemed to have a grin every time he saw the two, often raising his glass in toast as they entered the tavern. Sera frequently had a crude remark she would yell down from the second floor, causing Dorian to laugh and Cullen to blush madly. This usually made Dorian laugh even more, especially now, knowing that Cullen realized it was out of fondness and not ridicule. Varric would nod a greeting of “Sparkler; Curly,” as they walked by, usually accompanied by a wink.

Now and then the pair would linger over drinks after dinner. Cullen would protest that he needed to return to work, that he had taken too much time away already and it was piling up. Dorian would sigh in mock annoyance as he shooed the Commander away. But occasionally, he could persuade the man to stay for just a _tiny_ bit longer. Cullen would shake his head as he chuckled and sat back down, warning it would be “just this once”, although both knew it wasn’t true.

On the days that Cullen could not spare enough time for chess, he would usually still take his walk around the battlements. Leliana no longer pestered him about finding a hobby, but Cullen enjoyed the walks that allowed him to clear his mind of work, if only for a brief time. Sometimes Dorian would spot Cullen as he walked and join the man until they reached Cullen’s destination, chatting idly about their respective days. It got to the point that Cullen began hoping Dorian would see him while he was out, if only for a few minutes. On the days when he was neck-deep in reports, problems, and narrowly-averted disasters, this would be his one bright spot.

~~~~~~

Cullen had just returned from one such walk before he was summoned almost immediately to the war room. Lavellan had just returned from a trip to Crestwood and was ready to debrief the advisors. They spend quite a bit of time going over her reports, and it was decided she would begin a return trip the next day. Lavellan flipped through the paperwork, debating who should accompany her.

She decided to bring Solas (as usual) and Blackwall, and was considering who the third person would be when Leliana spoke up.

“You could take Dorian,” she suggested, glancing sideways at Cullen. “He hasn’t left Skyhold in a while and might welcome the change of scenery. What do _you_ think, Commander?”

Josephine lowered her head to hide her smile while Cullen leaned forward to study the map, seemingly unbothered by the suggestion. He felt a brief pang in his chest at the recommendation, but quickly shoved it away. Dorian was here to help, and he was an excellent mage; it was only a matter of time before Lavellan brought him along again. Dorian had only been away once (for over a week) since they began spending so much time together, and it was early on. Cullen hadn’t realized how quickly he had grown used to the man’s presence.

“I think it’s an excellent idea,” Cullen replied. He stood back up and rested his hands on his sword hilt, the picture of confidence. “I believe he will be of great use to you if you so choose, Inquisitor,” he concluded.

Lavellan nodded in acknowledgement, although she was now also looking at the map, deep in thought. Josephine and Leliana exchanged a quick look as Josephine spoke up next.

“I am not sure I agree,” she said. “Do you not think Dorian would be of better use here, Commander? It has come to my attention that he has been engaged in quite a bit of…studying, as of late. It would be a shame to interrupt him,” she finished, eyes twinkling.

Cullen felt himself flush as he cleared his throat. “I would not know; I do not receive those types of reports,” he responded.

“Are you sure, Commander?” Leliana pestered. One corner of her mouth quirked up. “I understand that you are quite an _integral_ part of his studies.”

Cullen frowned. “I can assure you, Spymaster, that for once your intelligence is faulty,” he maintained, annoyed. “There is nothing going on.”

Lavellan looked up at that moment. “I think I’ll take Varric,” she declared, smiling. She looked from one advisor to another, taking in two amused faces and an irritated one. “What did I miss?”

~~~~~~

“You’re happier now,” remarked Cole. “But still hurting. It’s a different kind of hurt.”

Dorian looked up at the young man who had appeared next to him, swinging his feet as he sat on the edge of the table.

“Hello to you, too, Cole,” Dorian replied, shifting uncomfortably. He looked for Bull – who was supposed to be refilling their drinks – and saw him chatting with Krem a short distance away. Dorian sighed, resigned to the questions he knew were coming.

“Wishing but wondering, wounded and wistful. What if he doesn’t want me?” Cole murmured, tilting his head slightly.

“I do wish you would get out of my head, Cole,” Dorian replied, a bit more sharply than he had intended. “You do not know of what you speak.”

“But you want more, Dorian. It hurts for you to want more,” Cole insisted. “Why is it wrong? You’re not there anymore.”

Dorian’s stomach clenched at the words. No one here knew about this portion of his past, and he was not eager to share it. He composed himself and looked at Cole patiently.

“This is not a discussion I wish to have in a crowded tavern, Cole,” he explained. “Just…leave me with it, for now.”

Cole frowned, but nodded his head. “I want to help. I’m sorry, I’m making it worse.”

Dorian closed his eyes briefly as he sighed again. “It’s alright. Just please, leave it be.”

At that moment, Bull reappeared, all smiles as he handed Dorian his drink and clapped Cole on the shoulder, saying hello. The strength of it caused the boy to lurch forward, but Cole looked pleased to be acknowledged, nonetheless, and returned the greeting. Dorian was trying to get Bull’s attention, gesturing to him to shoo Cole away. Cole must have picked up on the thought himself, as he turned towards Dorian and nodded his head. Dorian looked back, and unspoken plea on his face for the boy to keep silent about their conversation.

Cole slid down from the table as he turned to the duo and simply said “goodbye” as he vanished. Bull laughed as he drained half of his drink in one gulp.

“Weird kid,” he smiled, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “But he has a good heart.”

Dorian just raised his eyebrows in response as he took a sip of his drink, quickly changing the subject.

~~~~~

Cullen had been working non-stop, merging information from a heap of reports from Leliana’s scouts into a few documents he could send to his captains. It was crucial that these directives be correct, but some of the accounts were vague or missing details. Cullen was getting frustrated. It was now early evening and he hadn’t taken a break since he nodded off the night before - and even then it was only for a couple hours. The weariness was beginning to weigh on him and his patience was wearing thin.

He stood, prepared to call in a recruit to find Leliana, when he realized it would be faster if he just went himself. Grabbing some of the questionable documents, he stormed from his quarters towards the rotunda.

Solas was not in his room, still away with Lavellan in Crestwood. He had only been to the rookery once or twice more since his unfortunate confrontation with Dorian, in what seemed like ages ago. Each time, however, he was reminded of that incident and he still felt a twinge of guilt thinking about it.

Dorian was not in his alcove as Cullen walked past, and Cullen felt a whisper of relief; he didn’t need to be distracted right now. He approached Leliana and the two went over the reports, clearing up any inconsistencies and alleviating some of the strain in Cullen’s mind.

After what felt like forever (but had actually only been about an hour), Cullen finally began to make his way back to his quarters. Completely lost in thought, he had not considered the idea that Dorian might be back in his usual spot. Cullen had his head down, reading through the newly corrected reports, when he heard a familiar voice call his name.

“I thought perhaps you had forgotten about me, Commander,” Dorian called as Cullen approached.

Cullen stopped short and looked up, startled. Dorian smiled as he leaned against a bookshelf, crossing his arms over his chest.

“I heard you had barricaded yourself in your office. Something terribly important, I presume?” he said playfully, although Cullen thought he heard a hint of nervousness as well.

Cullen smiled apologetically, rubbing the back of his neck in the familiar gesture.

“I…yes, it’s been a hectic couple of days,” he responded.

“Have you eaten, Commander?” Dorian asked, abruptly changing the subject.

Cullen shook his head. “No, and I sincerely have no time to join you, Dorian, I…”

Dorian held up a hand and cut him off. “I was going to suggest I fetch you something from the kitchen and bring it up while you work,” he offered.

Cullen looked away, conflicted. He wanted to spend time with Dorian, but honestly couldn’t spare any that day. And if these reports were going to continue to be this difficult, he might not be able to for another couple days.

“That’s not necessary, but I thank you,” Cullen said, trying to excuse himself.

Dorian gave him a slight smirk, as if reading his mind. “I won’t stay to distract you, Commander, I promise. Now off with you, you’re wasting valuable time.” Dorian turned his back on Cullen, picking up an opened book and thereby ending the conversation. Cullen took the hint to leave, his thoughts quickly consumed by the reports once again.

****

A knock came on his door a short time later.

“This better be important!” Cullen yelled, not looking up from his desk.

“You do get quite fussy when you’re hungry,” Dorian chided as he strolled into the room.

He was carrying a plate that was covered by a cloth, which he removed as he approached the desk. To Cullen’s surprise, it was full of cookies and small cakes.

Dorian beamed. “I thought perhaps you could use a pick-me-up,” he proclaimed. “Not exactly the most wholesome meal, but we all need to be a little spoiled now and again, yes?”

Cullen grinned as he sat back in his chair and looked at Dorian, his mood immediately lifted. He could have sworn he only mentioned his fondness for the cakes to Dorian once, vaguely…and yet the man must have remembered.

“I’m sorry,” Cullen said, standing. “I’d offer you a seat and ask you to join me, but well…” he gestured around the room, indicating the lack of seating in the space.

“No worries, Commander,” Dorian replied, setting the plate down on the desk. “I promised I would not stay to distract you, and I intend to keep it. Take care.” He gave Cullen a small smile as he turned around and prepared to leave.

Cullen quickly moved around the side of the desk.

“Cullen. You should…call me Cullen,” he called to Dorian, shyly.

Dorian paused as he looked over his shoulder, a lighthearted smile on his face.

“Do hurry with your reports. I would like to play chess again sometime in the next year…Cullen.”

With that, he left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And then Cullen jams all the cakes in his face at once and sends his reports smeared in icing: the lost chapter
> 
> I got into some sort of amazing writing zone today and got this and three other chapters written. Special thanks to Vance Joy, since I had "Riptide" on repeat literally the entire time. Some sort of magical background music I guess. I'm working on cleaning them up a bit now, so I should hopefully have a few more updates in the coming days (depending on how busy rl work is).
> 
> Also, I was honestly expecting only like 5 people to actually read this, let alone anyone like it. So just know, I think you're all awesome :)


	11. He Knows I'd Love to See Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen is too busy to spend time with Dorian.  
> Dorian is not happy with Cullen.  
> Cullen attempts to make things right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're ready to turn a corner.

Dorian was on his way to the library one afternoon after lunch when Leliana rushed by him, nearly knocking him to the side. 

“Pardon me, Dorian!” she called over her shoulder, continuing away at a rapid pace. Dorian huffed as he rolled his shoulders, checking to make sure his clothes were all properly in place. He resumed walking until he heard his named called out behind him.

“Dorian!” Leliana called again, rushing back towards him. “I could use your assistance, if you are free,” she asked, slightly out of breath. Dorian’s curiosity was piqued. 

“Yes?” he prompted. 

Leliana held out a few papers with official looking seals on them. “Could you bring these to Commander Cullen?” she asked with a knowing smile. “I am heading in the opposite direction and it would save me a great deal of time.”

Dorian rolled his eyes. He knew why she was asking him, specifically, to deliver the reports and made no effort to play the innocent “why me?” game she was expecting. He couldn’t complain, however, as he hadn’t seen Cullen in nearly three days and had been looking for an excuse to check up on the man without being too obvious.

He took the reports and gave her a small smile.

“I am always pleased to aid our noble cause, no matter how tedious,” he replied, giving Leliana a small bow before turning and heading in the direction of Cullen’s quarters. 

*****

“Come in,” Cullen called. Dorian entered the room and stood in the doorway, waiting for acknowledgement. Cullen didn’t even raise his head, busy writing as he gestured to the corner of the desk.

“Just leave it there, thank you,” he muttered. 

Dorian scoffed. “I was hoping for a more enthusiastic greeting,” he said, leaning against the doorframe. “Something along the lines of ‘Oh, Dorian, the most handsome and skilled chess player in all of Thedas, thank the Maker you’re here!’ and then you weep dramatically in appreciation.” 

Cullen looked up and raised one eyebrow in response, before turning back to his papers.

Dorian made a frustrated noise as he walked over to the desk. He placed the papers directly on top of the ones Cullen was working on, smiling hopefully as Cullen raised his eyes a second time. Dorian could read the impatience on the man's face and his mood soured.

“I take it this means you won’t be leaving this room any time soon?” Dorian asked, glumly. 

Cullen sighed. “I’m afraid not, Dorian. I apologize, but it is imperative this gets done as soon as possible. Now if you would kindly let me be…”

Dorian was disappointed but nodded anyway. “Very well, Commander. Don’t hesitate to ask if you need something.” It was clear that Cullen could not – and would not – be distracted at the moment, so Dorian decided to give up while he was ahead. He waved goodbye over his shoulder as he walked to the side door, not bothering to see if Cullen responded.

_You’re being childish,_ he told himself as he walked towards the tavern. _Stop sulking, it’s nothing personal._

Dorian knew he was brooding for no good reason, but he honestly missed the Commander’s company. Aside from their brief interactions the day he brought Cullen “dinner”, it had been nearly a week since the two spent any considerable time together. And like it or not, he had grown fond of the man.

And, Dorian thought, he didn’t even have a legitimate excuse as to why he was so upset by the situation. He and the Commander were not involved in a romantic relationship by any stretch of the imagination. He had only recently come to refer to Cullen as a friend. He had no claim on the man’s free time, and should hold no expectations that he would automatically be included in it. But Dorian felt like after the past few weeks it was just assumed Cullen would make time for him, even if it was just a quick walk to say hello. He believed that’s what bothered him the most – the feeling of being looked-for, searched-out, _wanted._

_And that’s selfish,_ he told himself. _The Commander has plenty of other ways to spend his time besides with you, so stop expecting anything. Hoping only leads to disappointment._

He reached the tavern, but upon second thought decided he didn’t feel like being social at the moment. He walked back to the library instead, gathering a stack of books he had been meaning to cross-reference and bringing them over to his chair. He tried to lose himself in his own work, but it was a half-hearted attempt, at best.

Every so often he would stand (to stretch his legs, he told himself) and peer out of the window next to his chair, searching for signs of life in Cullen's tower. All was quiet, and by dinner Dorian had given up any hopes that the Commander might surface. He remained in the library for a few hours more, until it was dark outside and sufficiently past normal dining hours. 

He decided to meander down to the kitchen and see what kind of plate he could put together for himself. He had a book (and a bottle of wine) back in his quarters, and it sounded like a perfect night to relax in his own room, drinking and reading until he fell asleep. 

After persuading the kitchen hand to allow him to make up a small plate, Dorian made his way back to his room. He stopped short upon opening his door, noticing a small slip of paper laying on the floor a short distance away. He put his plate down and picked it up, noticing it only had one line:

_I’ll make it up to you.  
\- C.R._

Dorian couldn’t help the delight that welled up inside him, his earlier mood driven away by one sentence. Cullen hadn’t forgotten about him, and having that knowledge made him realize how foolish he was to have thought so in the first place. The Commander must have slipped it under his door after not finding Dorian in his usual haunts. Disappointed that he missed speaking to the man, he nevertheless settled into his chair, resuming his plans for the evening undisturbed.

*****

Dorian decided to wait until Cullen approached him first, not wanting to infringe on the Commander’s duties or time. He did not have any contact with the man on the day following his message, and resolved to go about his routine like normal.

On the next day, he was lounging in his chair mid-morning, lazily flipping through a book when a messenger approached him. Dorian glanced at the woman, shooting her an inquiring look.

“A message for you, sir,” the woman said, handing him a folded slip of paper. 

Dorian sat up in his chair as he took the note. He nodded his thanks to the woman, dismissing her as she hurried away. 

_Lunch? My quarters, 2 hours.  
\- C.R._

Dorian smiled to himself. Lunch sounded like an excellent idea, and he was suddenly thankful that he hadn’t eaten a large breakfast that morning. _Now,_ he thought, _what can I possibly do to make the next two hours go by faster?_

*****

Dorian managed to get a bit of reading done before stopping by his room to freshen up. He felt like he was preparing for their first chess match all over again, as he carefully examined his face and hair before the mirror. He decided to dress in the same cream-colored outfit that Cullen had complimented that day as well. 

_He’ll remember,_ Dorian thought. The man was observant, and he thought perhaps a reminder of that day would cheer Cullen’s mood the way it had Dorian’s. He set out a few minutes after the time Cullen stated, wanting to appear fashionably late but being too impatient to actually do so. He arrived at the Commander’s door, raising a hand to knock when the door swung open, a startled Cullen on the other side.

“There you are,” Cullen said, smiling in relief. “I was beginning to think you weren’t coming.”

Dorian grinned. “Now Commander, you worry too much. This is positively early by my normal standards.”

“Cullen,” the Commander reminded him, as his cheeks flushed slightly. 

“Well, _Cullen,_ I’m ravenous. Shall we eat?” Dorian replied, gesturing towards the room. 

Cullen stepped back to allow the mage entrance. Once he was inside, Dorian paused, noticing that something about the space was different. 

“You appear to have done some redecorating recently,” Dorian remarked, looking around. The far side of Cullen’s office had been renovated. The bookshelves were now full, with a third added to the adjoining wall. The random objects scattered around the area had been removed, and in its place was a plush chair with a small side table and plenty of lighting. A round area rug had been placed beneath the chair, transforming the space into a cozy reading area.

“I’m impressed,” Dorian said, turning to Cullen. “Your office looks almost habitable now,” he grinned.

Cullen rubbed the back of his neck as he looked towards the floor. “Well…I thought you might use it,” he replied uncertainly. Dorian gave him a bemused look as he continued. “I thought perhaps…if you wanted, that is…on days when I am not available you could read. In here, I mean. With me. If you like.” He stumbled over his words a bit as he looked at Dorian, searching the mage’s face for a response.

Dorian was rendered speechless, a rare feat. Gifts were one thing – he had received his fair share back home from nobles attempting to curry favor with his family – but for a gift to actually _mean something_? This he wasn’t prepared for. His face softened as he looked at Cullen; the poor man was more nervous than he’d ever seen him. 

“I admit, you have me at a bit of a loss for words,” Dorian confessed. “Except that I hope you realize what you’re getting yourself into, because now you’ll never be rid of me,” he laughed, attempting to cover his own nerves.

Cullen exhaled in relief as he gave Dorian his own lopsided grin. 

“I retain all rights to throw you out,” Cullen joked. He followed Dorian as the mage walked over to the chair, dropping into it as he ran his hands over the fabric. 

“You’ll have to snub me more often, Commander, if it means I’ll keep getting indulged like this,” Dorian said, looking very content. 

“Yes, well, don’t get used to it,” Cullen laughed as he walked to his desk. In his distraction, Dorian hadn’t noticed the trays of food waiting for them. He moved the new chair ( _his new chair_ , he thought with pride) closer to the table as Cullen set out two plates and began dividing the food between them. Dorian leaned his arm on the desk, propping his chin on his fist as he watched. 

Things were silent for a bit as Cullen continued. He glanced briefly at Dorian and smiled. Their eyes caught momentarily as Dorian returned the smile, before Cullen shyly looked away. The Commander cleared his throat.

“Is this enough?” he asked Dorian. 

“More than I ever expected, Commander,” Dorian replied, grinning at the man.

Cullen looked at the plate in confusion before catching Dorian’s meaning, a small “ah” escaping his mouth before he blushed. He handed Dorian a plate before sitting and taking his own.

“The day you brought me the reports,” Cullen began, tentatively, “I was very overwhelmed. I hadn’t slept in two days and had another…personal issue to contend with that did not allow me to function at full capacity.” 

Cullen paused briefly as he moved some of the food around on his plate. Dorian ate silently as he listened, providing the man with as much time to explain as he needed. 

“I paused later that afternoon and realized how unkind I was,” Cullen smirked regrettably. “I had a recruit sent to the library and then to the tavern to seek you out, but when he could not find you, I sent the note instead.”

He looked at Dorian with a slightly pained expression. “I just wanted you to know that our…friendship… is important to me. It was ill-mannered for me to treat a friend in such a way.”

Dorian swallowed his food, processing the man’s words before speaking. He was touched by the sentiment, although he felt a tad guilty for his behavior that day as well. It was the “friendship” comment that really affected him, however. Cullen clearly valued their relationship, but judging from his comment, “friendship” was the only thing it would be. Dorian chided himself for letting his feelings run away with him. _This is what you knew would happen if you let yourself get too close,_ he thought. _He wants to be your friend, nothing more._

Dorian finally looked at the man, a mask of understanding on his face. 

“I should apologize as well, Commander,” he said, casually. “I was acting like a willful child who had his plaything stolen away.” He saw Cullen flinch at the words. “But that said, I value our friendship as well, and I appreciate your apology. Let’s move past it, yes?”

Cullen forced a smile as he nodded and began eating. Now an awkward pause settled into the room as the two men ate. 

“Do you…” Cullen started, lifting his eyes briefly towards Dorian. He looked as if he thought better of what he was going to say. “Will you use this?” he finished, nodding towards the newly redone space. 

“Of course,” Dorian grinned. “I told you, Commander, you won’t be rid of me so easily now.”

Cullen smiled again faintly as he nodded his head in approval. “Good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These last two chapters were more about each one trying to come to terms with their feelings, even as they misread the other's. I say it's a turning point because now that they can openly admit to themselves how they feel, they just need to decide whether or not to act on it.
> 
> Orrrrr...I could just smash their faces together and tell them to make out, like I really want. But this way is more fun ;)
> 
> Also, let's face it. Cullen's quarters are a disaster.


	12. Honey, I Never Had You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen reflects on his lunch with Dorian.  
> Dorian receives some honest advice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had debated leaving out a lot of this chapter, but in the end felt like it was worth keeping. 
> 
> Also, keep an eye out for my brief DA2 reference

Cullen felt his heart drop at Dorian’s words. 

He had hoped the mage would understand what he was trying to say. The partial renovation of his office, along with the very blatant “I did this so you would spend more time with me” statement were more than obvious, Cullen thought. But he must have misjudged himself, as Dorian offhandedly referred to Cullen as his “plaything”. Was _that_ how Dorian saw him?

He attempted to hide the hurt from his face as they continued their meal. Perhaps he made a mistake inviting Dorian to use his office, even though the mage seemed pleased enough with the idea. 

_Just be happy you can spend time with him again,_ he urged himself. _Even if it’s as a friend._

They passed the rest of the mealtime amiably, catching up on what they had missed in the past week. Dorian did most of the talking, as Cullen hadn’t done much besides work. Dorian excused himself shortly after, claiming he had some matters to attend to. He thanked Cullen for the meal (and “thoughtful offer”) and promised he would be by to visit again soon.

Cullen sat at his desk with his head in his hands. He should have just told Dorian; now he’d made a mess of things and Maker knows how he would be able to do it now. He pounded his fist on the table as he sat back up. He would fix this, he had to. Hopefully Dorian would actually take him up on his offer and frequent the office. He would wait for the right opportunity to bring it up, and get a final answer from Dorian once and for all. 

Cullen sighed wearily as he called for a recruit to return the dirty dishes to the kitchen. He threw himself back into his work, successfully losing track of time until he heard the guard switch, signaling it was fairly late at night. 

He had been so optimistic in the morning, anticipating Dorian’s reaction and hoping this would finally bring them closer together. Now his mentality was the exact opposite. He decided to get some real sleep in a real bed for a change, hoping a good night’s rest would refresh him and clear him of his discouraged attitude. He laid in bed a short time later, staring through his ceiling as he drifted off to sleep.

_I wonder if Dorian likes the stars…_

*****

Dorian did not come back for two days. 

Cullen’s work was finally easing up a bit, enough that he would have time to play chess again, if Dorian was still interested. He still felt like he had offended the man somehow, although he had no idea why when his intention was the exact opposite. 

Dorian appeared on the second afternoon, knocking once before entering. Cullen looked up from his desk with what he hoped was a confident smile. Dorian said nothing as he entered, which in itself was odd, and he remained lingering in the doorway. Something felt off.

“I, ah, can’t stay,” Dorian began. “I just wanted to drop by and say hello.”

“Hello,” Cullen said as he looked at the man strangely. “Are you alright?”

“Of course!” Dorian replied, smiling slightly. “Why wouldn’t I be? Just a tad tired, that’s all.”

Cullen nodded his head slowly. “Alright. Would you like to play chess later?” he asked. “Or perhaps have dinner?”

Dorian looked like he was weighing his options as he paused briefly before answering. 

“I would prefer dinner, if you don’t mind,” he replied, pulling himself together. “I’ll most likely already be at the tavern with Bull, so do join us when you have a mind to.” He smiled as he turned and left as abruptly as he came, leaving Cullen where he was.

Cullen paused in his work, mind preoccupied by the exchange that just took place. Something was definitely not right. Perhaps I scared him off, Cullen realized. I misread his friendship as something more and he does not want to offend me by telling me so. He groaned inwardly. That could be the only reason for his odd behavior. Dinner was going to be…uncomfortable, to say the least.

~~~~~

Dorian arrived at the tavern earlier than he had intended, shortly after speaking to Cullen. That conversation had not gone at all like he planned.

Dorian had been avoiding the Commander for almost two days, trying to work up the nerve to speak to the man about what had transpired that day at lunch. He had dwelled on it almost the entire time, debating whether he should have spoken up about their “friendship” or kept quiet, like he had done. He intended to go to Cullen’s office and ask to speak to the man, but upon arriving, all of the nerve he had been building up lost him. The conflicting emotions were becoming too much. He felt like he was falling apart.

And now the man was meeting him for dinner, which he should be happy about. He supposed it was better than chess; at least in the tavern they would not be alone and forced into long silences. Long silences involving too much thinking. Dorian could always pull Bull or someone else into the conversation, should it become awkward.

Dorian sat with Bull in his usual spot, drinking and chatting as he waited for Cullen to arrive. Dorian did not tell Bull that he was expecting the Commander, opting to keep things quiet for the moment. There was a pause in their idle chit chat until the Qunari spoke up again.

“So. Dorian,” Bull began. 

“Yes?” Dorian sighed. He could tell from Bull’s tone of voice that he was about to ask something personal.

“When are you and the Commander going to go public?” Bull smirked.

“Excuse me?” Dorian asked, incredulous. 

Bull just laughed at Dorian’s expression. “We all know. We're just waiting for you to prove us right.”

Dorian scowled. “There is nothing to ‘go public’ about, thank you,” he retorted. “Cullen just happens to be a worthy chess opponent, provides intelligent conversation, and does not harass me about my personal life like _some_ people,” he finished, giving Bull a pointed stare. 

“Right,” Bull laughed. “It’s _Cullen,_ not ‘the Commander’ now, eh? And those puppy dog eyes you give him when you think he isn’t looking don’t count?”  
Dorian glared as he tried to form a response.

“He gives you the same look, you know,” Bull continued, taking a gulp of his drink. “We all just assumed you two were, you know…”

“Shagging!” Sera giggled from above. “Are you telling us you and your Cullen-Wullen aren’t going at it like rabbits?”

“Are we talking about rabbits?” Cole asked hopefully, appearing next to Dorian. “I _like_ stories with rabbits. There should be more.”

Bull and Sera burst into laughter as Cole frowned, confused. Dorian just groaned as he lowered his head into his hands, completely mortified. He could hear Sera making kissy noises mixed with “oh, Cully-Wully” and more smooching sounds.

“Rude!” Dorian yelled at Sera, before turning to look at the other two. “There are no puppy eyes, no rabbits and no shagging!”

That just made Sera laugh even more. “Look at him squirm! Bet you’re thinking of it now though, yeah?” She wiggled her eyebrows.

“You are all seeing things that don’t exist, simply because you want them too,” Dorian insisted. “You’re bored. But they aren't there. Trust me.”

“But… _you’re_ doing the same thing, Dorian,” Cole replied, still frowning. “Unlearning not to hope for more. Stumbling steps where the wall used to be. Wanting to believe it’s real, that he isn’t like all the others.” 

Dorian felt his face become hot. Bull was smirking and Sera was giggling above him. Cole opened his mouth to speak again.

“Enough!” Dorian shouted, slamming his mug on the table. He immediately regretted causing such a scene. Sera quickly retreated back to her room while Bull’s expression lost all humor as he looked at Dorian. Cole shrank into himself as he looked down, hat hiding his face.

“I’m sorry, Dorian,” Cole said quietly. “I made it hurt again. I’m not supposed to do that.”

Bull patted Cole on the shoulder. “It’s not your fault, kid.”

Dorian sighed. “No, I apologize, Cole. I shouldn’t have let my temper get the best of me.”

Cole looked up slightly. “You’re right, Dorian,” he began. Dorian looked at him questioningly. 

“He _is_ different,” Cole continued, smiling slightly. “’All for him, everything, always, aching. Actions louder than words, I hope he hears me’.”

Cole vanished seconds later. It was silent between Bull and Dorian as Dorian finished his drink and thought about what Cole said. Those were Cullen's words, he supposed. 

_Is he aching over me? Everything always for me....I find that hard to believe._ The next part was even more confusing. 

“Actions louder than words, I hope he hears me.” Dorian repeated out loud as he contemplated.

“Did the Commander do something for you lately?” Bull asked.

The realization hit Dorian like a punch in the gut. _Cullen's office,_ he thought. He hadn’t really thought about _why_ Cullen redid the room for him, because he was too focused on (what he thought was) Cullen’s declaration that they remain friends only. 

His expression must have revealed something, because Bull leaned forward. “Hey,” he said softly, so that only Dorian could hear. “You should at least talk to him. Bring it up, even if it’s in a roundabout way. See if he’s open to the idea. If the kid is right, he will be.” Bull paused as he looked at Dorian thoughtfully. "We might not survive this thing. Live while you can, no regrets. If you can have something like this, take it."

Dorian nodded. Bull was right. He had not expected such sage advice from a Qunari mercenary, but there was wisdom in everything he said. Dorian smiled, gratefully. 

“I still say you shag and sort the rest out later,” Sera called, reappearing at the balcony. Dorian saw Bull shoot her a dirty look and gesture for her to leave. “Well you _should_ ,” she said, giggling as she left.

“You should just kiss him, Dorian,” Cole said quietly, reappearing at his side. “He would like it.” Cole smiled. “You would too. Why won’t you do something that makes you happy?”

Dorian sighed, still deep in thought. They were right; he needed to do this. Well, he would hold off on the kissing part. But talking, yes. He stood up and turned to Bull.

“Could you pass along a message, if someone comes looking for me?” Dorian asked. 

“Maybe,” Bull replied. “Depends on who this ‘someone’ is and what message you want passed along.”

“I was supposed to meet Cullen for dinner,” Dorian began. “But I can't. Not until I sort this out.” Bull nodded slightly, looking like he wanted to argue, but deciding to keep quiet.

“Tell him…” Dorian continued. “Tell him, ‘I’ll make it up to you’. He’ll know what it means.” 

Bull nodded again as Cole smiled slightly. Dorian smiled again in gratitude, and quickly left the tavern before Cullen could arrive.

He made his way back to his room, the idea of food forgotten. He had too much to think about. 

_We’ll do this soon,_ he decided. _One day over chess. No pressure, no audience, just a relaxing game where I will unexpectedly tell him I would like to kiss him. Fantastic plan,_ Dorian thought sarcastically.

Returning to his room, he sat at his desk, reaching for a piece of paper.

_I apologize for my rude departure this evening. Hopefully Bull passed along my regards. I will unfortunately be detained the rest of the evening, but perhaps you would like to meet for chess tomorrow?  
\- D.P._

Dorian folded the note. He debated having someone deliver it for him, but decided to drop it off himself. Cullen might not have minded, but he wanted to keep his correspondence private. He walked to the library, to his nook, and watched out of the window, waiting for Cullen to leave for the tavern. He felt a pang of guilt, knowing the man would arrive only to find out Dorian was not there. But he needed time alone to plan what he was going to say to Cullen, so he pushed his own nerves out of the way as he watched the man finally leave. 

Once he was out of sight, Dorian slipped from the library to Cullen’s office, sliding the note under his door before heading back to his own room. He attempted to sit and read a bit to calm himself, but his thoughts kept straying. 

A short time later, he noticed the shadow of someone standing in front of his door. He tensed, waiting for a knock. 

_He's upset,_ Dorian thought. _Upset and came to confront me._

But the knock never came. Instead, another piece of paper came floating forward. Dorian hesitated, waiting for the shadow to leave before retrieving the note.

_I am sorry if I offended you, it was not my intention._  
_I will gladly meet you for chess tomorrow. The usual time._  
_\- C.R._

Dorian was confused. Offended him about what? If anything, _Cullen_ should feel offended, after the way Dorian acted that day (and ignored him since). He shook his head, placing the paper on his desk. 

_One more question to answer tomorrow._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to get a bit of Cullen's thoughts about that afternoon without rehashing the whole thing (although I probably easily could have). 
> 
> I had a different chapter prepared to post tonight, but now I'm reworking it a bit. ~~It'll be the first chapter not from Dorian/Cullen's point of view, so I want to make sure I have the tone of the narrating characters right. So expect that before the weekend.~~
> 
> Update: So that chapter is being reworked totally. I'm merging it with another chapter cause I just wasn't happy with it and didn't think the plot needed its own chapter. But the new one will still be out by the weekend.
> 
> And again, I LOVE hearing from you all, so thank you :)


	13. Yes, I Am Blind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Solas and Lavellan inadvertently push these two closer together. They also _really_ need to get a room.  
>  Varric is cooking up a plan and attempts to get Cassandra involved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you didn't see my edited notes on the last chapter, I drastically changed the way this chapter is presented. I didn't feel like one of the plot points (Varric's) required an entire chapter, so I shortened it a ton and added it as a sort of coda to this one. 
> 
> There's some time jumping over the period of a couple days, so I made a note at the start of each section exactly where we're at.

_The day after “the lunch”_

It was late in the evening, and Dorian was still in the library finishing up some notes. He had been spending more time than usual in his alcove, but seemed to be more productive in the evening, once all of the other second and third floor inhabitants had left for the night. It was peaceful. Even Leliana’s birds took the hint and quieted down, which was a rare treat. Dorian relished the few evenings he was able to spend in silent research, as few and far between as they were. 

He was almost finished for the night, aiming to get through one more chapter before leaving. He was rereading a paragraph for the third time when he suddenly heard a quiet noise coming from below him. He stilled and listened. There it was again, inaudible whispers followed by…giggling? 

_Solas doesn’t giggle_ , Dorian though, curiosity overtaking him. He tiptoed over to the railing, peaking over just enough to see the first floor.

He covered his hand with his mouth to hide the surprised gasp that threatened to give him away. Below, seemingly unaware of his presence, were Solas and Lavellan. And they appeared to be quite comfortable around each other. Intimate. Lavellan was sitting on the desk in the center of the rotunda, swinging her legs casually as she smiled and whispered with Solas. Solas was walking around, briefly exiting and reentering Dorian’s view. He looked as if he was cleaning up the area, his desk in particular. 

Dorian knew he shouldn’t spy on the leader of the Inquisition. But this was Solas she was giggling with. Boring, drab, tiresome Solas. This was too good to pass up.

Lavellan was still speaking as Solas finished whatever he was doing. He paused a short distance from her, body facing away while he turned his head towards her voice. Dorian was able to see a slow smile appear on his face as he listened to her. He murmured something in response as he walked towards his desk to stand in front of Lavellan. Whatever he said must have amused her, as she threw her head back in quiet laughter. Seeing her laugh made Solas’ face brighten and he looked at her with such tenderness on his face that Dorian felt guilty once again for violating into this personal moment. 

That look of tenderness quickly changed to something almost…predatory, as Solas watched her. Lavellan ceased swinging her legs as she responded, Solas taking the opportunity to walk closer. 

_Stalk closer_ , Dorian thought. 

Solas stood right in front of Lavellan, and Dorian watched in astonishment as he placed his hands on her hips. Dorian knew the pair was close, spending much of their free time together. And there were rumors of them being a little more friendly than normal. But to see actual proof…

Lavellan seemed completely at ease with his touch, as she reached out with one hand and cupped his face. Solas closed his eyes as he leaned into her caress, smiling softly. Lavellan moved her hand down slowly, now resting on the juncture of his neck and shoulder, and appeared to gently urge him forward. Solas did not hesitate as he surged forward, claiming her mouth with his. 

Dorian wanted to step away, but he was mesmerized at this point. Lavellan had one hand on the back of Solas’ head, the other resting on his shoulder as she kissed him passionately. Solas moved flush against the desk and Dorian saw Lavellan entwine her legs around Solas’ waist, keeping him firmly in place. 

Dorian didn’t want to admit it, but he was jealous. Jealous of Solas. The very idea almost made him laugh out loud. But this passion, this intensity…this is what he wanted with Cullen. He imagined himself on the desk in Lavellan’s place, pulling Cullen closer to his body as they embraced in the same fashion. His chest ached at the thought, wanting so badly something he was sure he would never have.

He stared as Solas slowly ended the kiss, speaking softly to Lavellan with their heads still close. Lavellan was still cupping his face, gently stroking his cheek with her thumb as he talked; earning another smile from the elf. Solas loosened his grip on her waist as he stepped back further, causing Lavellan to drop her hands as well.

Solas was mid-sentence as he glanced upwards, doing a double take as he met Dorian’s eyes. Dorian quickly moved backwards and out of view. His heart was pounding, worried now that the Inquisitor would be upset with him for spying. He felt a rush of adrenaline as he quickly put away his books and notes, attempting to leave before he was confronted. He laughed quietly to himself as he slipped away, feeling a surge of exhilaration for the first time in several days.

 _Oh, tormenting Solas is going to be_ such _fun_ , he snickered as he entered his room.

*****

_The next day, prior to Dorian’s awkward appearance with Cullen_

The next morning, after calming down, Dorian realized it might be better to leave Solas be for the moment. He did not want to upset the Inquisitor, and he had a feeling Solas was the type that would sulk until she asked what was wrong. He was thankful he did not have contact with Solas on a regular basis, despite their close proximity during much of the day. Which is why he was surprised that morning to see the elf standing before him as he was looking through the stacks in his alcove. Solas said nothing, just gestured with his head for Dorian to follow.

“I just knew you couldn’t resist my charms forever,” Dorian joked as he hurried to keep up with Solas. The elf said nothing as he led Dorian to the walkway near his quarters. As soon as they were outside, Solas wheeled on Dorian, causing the man to take a step back.

Solas studied Dorian quietly for a moment, hands clasped behind his back before turning to look out over the garden.

“I wished to speak to you of what you witnessed last evening,” Solas began.

Dorian laughed with feigned innocence. “I have no idea what you could possibly mean.”

Solas turned to look back at the man. “The Inquisitor and I…” he paused. “I have great respect for the Inquisitor. I care for her, perhaps more than is wise.”

Dorian raised an eyebrow at the elf as Solas continued.

“A relationship is a distraction,” he said, turning back towards the garden. “And one the Inquisitor cannot afford. We must focus on Corypheus and the threat at hand.” He lapsed into silence.

“Al…right?” Dorian responded. “And why exactly are you telling me this?”

Solas glanced sideways at the man. “Because you witnessed something that was private, something I – we – do not wish to be made public. The enemy does not need leverage over either of us. I would appreciate your silence on the matter.”

Dorian rolled his eyes. “You do realize everyone already knows,” he said, wryly. “Lavellan isn’t exactly good at hiding her emotions. No one cares who she shares her bed with.” Solas narrowed his eyes as Dorian grinned. “Besides, you’re always so grumpy. I think you could benefit from some…stress relief.”

“Your opinion does not matter,” Solas shot back. “I do not see you and Cullen parading your relationship for everyone to see.”

Now it was Dorian’s turn to glare. “That is because there is no ‘relationship’ to parade around.”

“I’m sorry, you do not realize everyone already knows?” Solas smirked, throwing Dorian’s words back in his face. 

“Alright, I get your point,” Dorian conceded, flinging a dismissive gesture towards Solas. “You two lovebirds can keep your little secret, I won’t say a word.”

Solas studied the man again, before nodding his head. “I will return the favor,” he said with amusement. “You have both our thanks.” 

With that, Solas turned, leaving Dorian to stand on the walkway alone.

~~~~~

_The day of the next chess match_

Cullen did not necessarily enjoy the fact that the fastest route from his tower to the war room took him directly through Solas’ study. He felt as if he infringed on the man’s privacy whenever he entered, although the elf was seldom doing something other than painting or reading at his desk – so engrossed in either that he barely acknowledged Cullen’s presence. 

Which is why it threw him completely off guard one afternoon as he opened the door to enter the rotunda. He needed to drop a supply request off to Josephine, hoping she could pull some strings to obtain some harder-to-come-by items. Rushing through the first door, he stopped short, looking in shock ahead of him.

The Inquisitor was leaning casually with her back against the wall. Solas was standing in front of her, hands on either side of her shoulders, effectively pinning her in place. The Inquisitor was breathing slightly faster than normal, as Solas gazed at her with what Cullen could only describe as pure hunger.

“Oh! I…ah,” Cullen turned away quickly as his face began to flush. Solas and Lavellan jumped apart in alarm. “Pardon me, I will…just go.” He returned the way he came, taking the longer route through the main entrance towards Josephine’s office. He spoke to the Ambassador regarding his list, noticing she diplomatically did not comment on Cullen’s flustered state.

As he was preparing to leave, Lavellan appeared in front of him.

“Commander?” she started, wringing her hands together. “Might I have a word in private?”

Cullen nodded as they walked towards the war room, ignoring Josephine’s curious glances. As soon as Cullen shut the door, Lavellan began speaking as she paced in front of him.

“As you probably are aware, Solas has been teaching me much of the history of my people,” she started, uncomfortably. “It is fascinating to discover how much has been lost or misunderstood as time has gone by. For example, did you know courtship and marriage rituals are different now?”

Cullen shook his head, cautiously, waiting for her to continue.

“Well they have!” she continued eagerly as she stopped pacing. “I have learned so much, and what you saw today was, well…a lesson?” She glanced quickly at Cullen to see if he believed her. Cullen fought to keep from smiling, and said nothing as he nodded.

“Sometimes his lessons are very…in depth,” Lavellan babbled. “It’s easier for me to learn by seeing. It was nothing. I mean, it was _something_ , but it was nothing to be concerned about.” She turned to Cullen with a pleading look on her face, begging him to understand what she couldn’t say.

Cullen took pity on the woman and smiled. “I understand, Inquisitor,” he replied kindly. “I feel you are lucky to have such an…experienced tutor.” He walked closer, gingerly laying a hand on her shoulder in comfort. “I am happy for your _friendship_. It is important to have ‘friends’ such as that in troubling times such as these.”

Lavellan grinned as relief visibly washed over her. “Thank you,” she breathed. She moved hesitantly towards him before embracing the much larger man in a hug. Cullen was caught by surprise, but lightly hugged her back.

The Inquisitor pulled back, still smiling as she rested a hand on his arm. “I want you to know I am very pleased that you and Dorian have such a…’friendship’ as well,” she whispered with a conspiratorial look.

Cullen stepped back in unease. “I…what? No, you misunderstand,” he stuttered. “There is no…we are friends, yes, but not _friends_. Dorian does not wish to…neither of us wishes to…” he looked downward as he shook his head, blushing.

Lavellan had her hands clasped over her mouth, eyes wide in horror at her mistake. 

“Oh, Cullen,” she whispered, stepping closer. “I just assumed – I mean, you are so fond of each other, I just thought…” Cullen continued to shake his head as she spoke. “Are you sure?” she asked gently. 

Cullen barked out a laugh. “Am I sure I am not in a relationship with Dorian? Yes, I am more than aware.”

“No,” she responded, fidgeting slightly. “I meant, are you sure he does not wish to?” 

“I am sure, my lady,” Cullen replied quietly. “He does not think of me in such a way.”

Lavellan gazed up at Cullen’s face as she considered what to say next. “I believe you are wrong, Commander,” she said kindly, reaching out again to touch his arm. Cullen looked as if he was going to respond but Lavellan shook her head sternly, shutting him up.

“You need to speak to him, Commander. Trust me,” she advised, “it will only make things harder the longer you keep quiet.” 

Cullen sighed. “I am meeting him later today for a game of chess. Perhaps I will…perhaps I will broach the subject,” he said uneasily. 

“You should,” Lavellan replied, smiling in satisfaction. “Now,” she said stepping away, all business. “I must speak to Leliana. She received some new reports today regarding a Venatori presence in the Western Approach. I may contact you later.”

Cullen nodded his approval as the pair began to make their way towards the door. Cullen reached out, briefly stopping the elf.

“Thank you,” he said, sincerely. Lavellan just smiled as she nodded, before exiting the room.

~~~~~

_Immediately after_

Cassandra entered the main hall, nodding to Cullen as he passed. The Commander appeared to be in a hurry as he rushed by her, barely acknowledging her greeting. She began walking towards the rotunda, on her way to speak to Leliana, when she heard a familiar voice call her name.

“Seeker!” Varric called, walking towards her from the other side of the hall. Cassandra paused, sighing.

“I do not have time for your nonsense right now, Varric,” she warned.

“Would I ever waste your time?” Varric asked with mock hurt. “No, I wanted to talk to you about Curly.”

Cassandra frowned as she looked in the direction where she last saw Cullen. 

“What about the Commander?” she asked. 

“Have you noticed he’s seemed a little…off, lately?” Varric asked. 

Cassandra merely gave the dwarf an icy look in response.

“O..kay, guess not,” Varric continued. “Anyway, when was the last time you actually spent time with him, Seeker?”

Cassandra paused, thinking. She had passed the man briefly on a number of occasions lately, but it had been some time since he joined them for meals, and she had not been out to morning drills in some time. 

“Get to the point, Varric,” she answered impatiently, avoiding the question.

Varric sighed. “He’s fidgety. Nervous. Looks really worn down and way grumpier than usual. And this is just what I saw in the 5 minutes he actually leaves his office every day. Any of this ringing a bell?”

“You’re exaggerating,” Cassandra replied. “We have all been under a lot of stress lately, the Commander more so than most. It is only natural he appears tired.”

Varric shook his head. “It’s more than that, trust me. I’ve seen this kind of thing before. I think you should keep an eye on him.”

Cassandra grumbled under her breath as she looked away, contemplating what Varric said. 

“And Seeker,” Varric continued. “It’s not the lyrium.”

Cassandra’s eyes snapped back to Varric’s, narrowing in suspicion.

“Why would you say that?” she growled. 

Varric held up his hands in defense. “I’ve seen lyrium withdrawal, plenty of times. One of the more unpleasant aspects of living in Kirkwall.”

Cassandra grunted in displeasure. “I will be the judge of that. But very well, I will pay the Commander a visit and see if all is well.”

Varric smiled and slightly bowed. “I have a sneaking suspicion I know what it is, but I’d like an unbiased opinion to confirm it for me,” he said with a wink.

“Ugh, I do not want to know what story you have cooked up,” Cassandra replied, turning to leave.

“Yes, you do, Seeker!” Varric called behind her with a laugh.

“ _Goodbye_ , Varric,” Cassandra yelled sharply, marching out of the main hall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The final nail in the coffin of their hesitancy to do...anything. The smooching is on the horizon. As in the next chapter (shhh I didn't say that). Varric has something clever up his sleeve. I also wanted to really establish Solas and Lavellan's relationship, because it will come up in other chapters. I also have the rest of this part totally outlined. So 4 more chapters, then part 2 (cue dramatic music).
> 
> Also, I have such a love/hate relationship with Solas. I romanced him first, and I loved his stupid, seductive elf face so much. SO much. But by the end...let's just say it's been 4 months and I still mentally scream "god _damn it_ Solas!" every single time he comes on screen. I think we need couples counseling. 
> 
> Oh, and side note for future reference (since I haven't mentioned it), Lavellan's first name is Anaïs. 
> 
> I may or may not have another chapter up before Sunday, depending on how much free time I have this weekend. In case I don't, I hope everyone celebrating Easter/Passover enjoys their time with family and friends. If you don't celebrate (or even if you do), I hope the Easter Bunny brings you lots of chocolate :)


	14. Let Me Kiss You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *kissing noises*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only took 14 chapters...Hopefully it was worth the wait!
> 
> I couldn't sleep so I decided to post early...yay for being productive.

Cullen left his impromptu meeting with Lavellan full of new resolve. He was due to meet Dorian in a few hours for their game, and he was determined to make his feelings known – clearly, this time – and have everything out in the open. 

Lavellan mentioned something about intelligence from the Western Approach, but until he was actually sent for, he was going to assume it was nothing pressing. He returned to his tower and spent the next hour cleaning up some of the lingering paperwork from that day, before climbing the ladder to his loft.

With memories of their first chess match running through his head, Cullen stood and stared at his reflection in the small mirror in his bedroom. As usual, he had let some of the…finer details of his appearance fall by the wayside. He sighed as he fetched the basin and washcloth, moving it closer to the mirror along with his razor and comb. He cleaned himself up carefully once again, even going so far as to dig out the same aftershave and use it for the first time since that day.

He knew Dorian would appreciate the fact that he cleaned up for him, but he also knew it wasn't necessary. Dorian had seem him looking much worse than this and hadn't made any comments (although he had been on the receiving end of some critical looks). Even so, Cullen wanted everything in his favor this afternoon, so he was not going to let something like an unshaven face distract him unnecessarily. 

He finished and redressed, again carefully checking to make sure everything was in place. Satisfied, he returned to his office and after realizing he still had some time left before he was due, debated leaving for the garden early. He began pacing in the room, glancing every so often at Dorian’s chair as he did so. His nerves were beginning to get the best of him the longer he deliberated and the longer he waited. 

_Wait…_ he thought. Cullen moved swiftly to his desk, pulling out the bottle of liquor he kept in the bottom drawer. He never drank while actually working, but on some of the more difficult nights it was easier to drink a small glass before bed to calm him down instead of venturing all the way to the tavern. He took out the glass and drank two of them in quick succession before putting the bottle back, feeling the drink warm his body as it went down his throat. He sighed. 

_It's now or never,_ he decided as he closed the door and headed to the garden.

~~~~~

Dorian had spent the night in a fitful slumber, waking up frequently and having trouble falling back asleep. He ended up staying in bed until noon, as he wasn’t due to meet Cullen for a few hours still.

He was nervous, he could admit that much to himself now. But he was also excited at the possibilities ahead of him. He lay in bed, staring at the ceiling as he let his mind wander. 

_Today could either end spectacularly or in utter failure,_ he thought. _Or a spectacular failure,_ he added grimly.

He decided that there was no point in attempting to get any work done that day. He chose to pamper himself instead, and seek to calm his nerves prior to their meeting. He dressed and did his hair quickly before draping a towel over his shoulder and heading to the kitchen. He picked up a small plate of fruit and cheese, then stopped for a bottle of wine at the tavern. With his haul, he headed to the baths. 

Dorian sighed as he entered. He missed the luxury of his own bath in Tevinter. At least at this time of day the room was empty and he was able to take one of the tubs in the corner for himself. He pulled over a privacy screen and positioned a small wooden table next to the tub, placing his wine and food upon it. After adding some scented oil, he spent the next hour or so lounging in the comfort of the heated water, leisurely enjoying his treat.

Eventually he made his way back to his room to change into a fresh outfit and properly groom himself after his bath. Pleased, he made his way to the library to occupy the rest of his time before the match.

He passed Cassandra on the way to his alcove, the woman giving him a curt nod as she walked by.

“Dorian?” she called unexpectedly, about to descend the steps. Dorian peered around the bookshelf at her curiously.

“You…interact with the Commander on a regular basis, do you not?” she asked, somewhat uncomfortably.

Dorian shifted as he crossed his arms, wondering where she was going with this. “Yes, I suppose. Is something the matter?”

“No. Well at least I don’t think so,” she replied, stepping closer so she could lower her voice. “Varric mentioned something. He seemed concerned and I thought maybe you would know if the Commander was…ill?”

Dorian felt slightly guilty at the question, as he had absolutely no idea. The man seemed fine when they had lunch a couple days ago, although he appeared quite tired. He fixed Cassandra with a reassuring smile. 

“To the best of my knowledge he is fine, Cassandra,” he replied. “However I am due to meet him shortly for chess and can inquire, if you would like?”

Cassandra appeared relieved. “There is no need Dorian, but thank you. Please, if you do notice something, inform me immediately.” She nodded and gave Dorian a grateful look as she turned and walked down the stairs. 

Dorian was slightly concerned by her question, but shook it off as the Seeker being paranoid. He would ask anyway, if just to ease his own mind. He settled into his chair, hoping for the time to pass quickly.

~~~~~

Cullen approached the chess table a few minutes before he expected Dorian to arrive. He sat at his usual seat and began to set up the pieces, attempting to distract himself more than anything. After several minutes went by without the mage appearing, Cullen stood and began to pace the area, head down and hands clasped behind him. He knew he must look neurotic, but was too nervous to stop.

He heard someone clear their throat a few steps away and paused as he looked up to see Dorian leaning against the wall in front of him with a fond smile on his face. Cullen’s face lit up, unable to control the grin that spread across his own. 

“Hello,” Cullen began. 

_You’re grinning like an idiot,_ he scolded himself before realizing he didn't care. 

Cullen gestured to the table. “Shall we uh…get started?” he asked, nerves still threatening to overtake him. Dorian was still gazing at him with affection, not having said a word. Cullen smiled bashfully as he felt the blush begin to spread up his neck. He moved to sit down, Dorian following close behind.

“How are you feeling, Commander?” Dorian asked casually. Cullen gave him a curious look as they sat.

“I am well, thank you,” he replied. “Are…you well?”

Dorian gave him a charming smile. “Never better. Now,” he said, settling into his seat, “shall we wager on how soundly I will beat you this afternoon?”

Cullen laughed, suddenly feeling completely at ease. This was the Dorian he had missed, and it hit him again just how much. 

He shook his head, smiling at the mage. “Gloat all you like, I have this one.”

“Are you _sassing_ me, Commander?” Dorian asked incredulously, before a wide grin broke out on his face. “I didn’t know you had it in you.”

Cullen laughed again, ready to respond when they heard a harried voice ring out, a recruit rushing towards them.

“Lord Pavus!” the recruit called, slightly out of breath. “Commander,” he said, saluting Cullen. Cullen noticed Dorian had a look of annoyance on his face that matched his own. Both men nodded at the recruit, waiting for him to continue.

The recruit turned to Dorian. “The Inquisitor requests your presence at the front gates. She wishes for you to accompany her to the Western Approach.” He turned to Cullen and handed him a slip of paper. “From the Inquisitor, sir.” 

Cullen opened the note, which simply read _‘I’m sorry!’_. He crumpled it in his fist as he glared at the recruit. Dorian was looking at him in expectation.

“Well?” he asked impatiently, “What did she say?”

“Nothing,” Cullen growled, “nothing that can be helped.”

“Who else is going with her?” Dorian demanded, turning his attention back to the messenger. “Why must I be there?”

The recruit’s eyes flitted nervously between the two angry men.

“Solas, Warden Blackwall, Madame Vivienne and you, sir,” he replied hesitantly.

“ _Three_ mages?” Dorian cried. “Venhedis, why in the… _why_ does she need all three of us?”

The recruit fearfully took a few steps back, attempting to escape the ire of the mage. Cullen noticed Varric and Cassandra appear out of the corner of his eye, no doubt drawn to the noise in the yard.

Dorian was standing now, finger in the poor recruit’s face as he yelled. Cullen sighed as he stood as well. There was no point in arguing, as annoyed and frustrated as he was. He trusted Lavellan’s judgement, and if she felt she needed all three mages with her, she must have good reason. Although he was tracking down Leliana and Josephine immediately to discover why he wasn’t consulted.

Cullen reached over, gently laying his hand on Dorian’s shoulder to get his attention.

“Dorian,” he said softly.

Dorian whirled around, still raging, and shook Cullen's hand off. The recruit took the opportunity to sprint in the opposite direction.

“I just can't fathom why she would need –“

Dorian’s rant was cut short as Cullen drew near, cupping the back of Dorian's head as he caught the man’s mouth in a fiery kiss. He felt the tension in Dorian melt away as the mage relaxed into him. It was too much, Cullen thought. Too much and not enough all at once. It was everything he had imagined, everything he had hoped for and everything he thought he could never have. 

After a few seconds the pair broke away, heads close as they breathed heavily.

“I couldn't let you leave without doing that,” Cullen whispered with a small smile.

Dorian didn’t respond as he surged forward, entwining his arms around Cullen's neck and pulling him in for another greedy kiss. Cullen eagerly returned it, wrapping his arms around the man as the kiss deepened. This one was much more intense, and Cullen could tell from his body’s response that if they didn't stop soon, things might get out of hand. 

He pulled back, a bit farther this time, and looked at Dorian. His lips were swollen as he smiled, eyes half closed and his face flushing attractively against his tan skin. Cullen felt a surge of happiness as he gazed at the man. 

They could hear Blackwall off in the distance shouting for the two of them to knock it off and hurry up. Dorian met Cullen's eyes and they both laughed nervously as they stepped apart.

“Rude,” Dorian laughed, shaking his head at Blackwall. “And here I thought we were just getting to the good part,” he sighed.

“Well…” Cullen began, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Well, Commander, now you will have plenty of time to figure out a proper strategy,” Dorian replied lightly as he glanced at the board. 

“And Cullen?" the mage continued, leaning towards the man's ear. "You are more than welcome to figure out _other_ things to do to me, as well,” he whispered suggestively, pressing a kiss to Cullen's neck before pulling away.

Cullen gaped at the man in surprise for a moment as Dorian winked and began to walk away. The Commander quickly reached out and grabbed him by his wrist, urging him back. He looked deeply into Dorian’s eyes before stroking his cheek, leaning forward to kiss him softly one final time. 

When they finally pulled apart, Cullen rested his forehead against Dorian's, heart aching at the idea of the man disappearing from his life once again.

“Be safe, please,” he whispered. “I need you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry, they won't be apart for long. I can't be that mean, lol. 
> 
> As usual, comments, critiques, kudos, etc. more than welcome. Thanks again for sticking around...now the fun is really starting :D


	15. I'll Dream Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dorian takes an unexpected detour on his way home.  
> Cassandra is worried about Cullen. Varric isn't.

Dorian had been gone for three weeks, and he was miserable for every one of them.

Lavellan set a relentless pace and the group was exhausted. She had explained to Dorian early on that they were going to investigate several matters on this trip – including a Venatori sighting, disappearing Wardens, and recovering a Circle tome – which is why she required the assistance of the two mages and Blackwall. Solas was along for his healing and protective spells. Dorian snorted at the last part, earning him a glare from Solas, but Lavellan either didn’t hear him or chose to ignore it. 

He knew he should be grateful for her help, and he was. They had successfully eliminated several Venatori camps in the area, although they suspected others remained. 

_I might have been a tad more enthusiastic, however,_ after _I had some alone time with the Commander_ , he bellyached to himself. 

He thought about the man constantly, replaying their kisses over and over in his head, wondering what might have happened had he not been hauled away that day. Unfortunately, sharing a tent with Blackwall put a halt to exploring those ideas any further. 

Dorian grumbled as he rolled over in his bedroll, jolted from his thoughts by the loudly snoring man next to him. He was tempted to throw an object at the sleeping Warden, but feared Blackwall might instinctively pommel him with something in his sleep. Instead, he sighed loudly as he covered his head and waited for morning, counting the days until they could return to Skyhold.

*****

“This appalling desert air is doing wonders for my complexion,” Dorian complained as they trekked across the waste.

“Think of it as an exfoliate, darling,” Vivienne replied with amusement. 

“I prefer not to think of it at all,” Dorian sulked, wiping his hand across his face. He could hear Blackwall snicker behind him and wheeled on the man.

“And what would you know about it, you big hairy lummox?” he snarled. “I’ve been sharing a tent with you, if you recall. I’m well versed in your lack of hygiene.” Blackwall held up his hands and shook his head, not eager to get in a shouting match with the already angry mage.

Lavellan glanced over her shoulder with a worried frown before looking at Solas, who nodded.

“This looks like a good place to set up camp,” Solas suggested. Lavellan gestured for the soldiers to begin unpacking, the flurry of activity causing Dorian to wander away and seek some solitude. 

“And who does he think he is that he doesn’t have to –“ Dorian heard Blackwall shout angrily, cut off by a soothing “shhhhh” from Vivienne.

“Leave him be, my dear. Some time alone will be good for him,” she replied in a calming voice. Blackwall grumbled but walked in the other direction to help. 

Dorian headed a short distance away from the camp; far enough that the noise was a quiet din in the background but close enough that he was still in sight. He sat on an outcropping of rocks, staring out over the unending sea of sand and rocks in front of him.

He heard a shuffling noise come quietly from behind him, and a couple seconds later Lavellan eased herself down next to the mage. They sat in silence for a bit, both looking at the scene ahead. 

“Would you like to talk?” Lavellan asked after a time. Dorian merely shook his head no, his eyes still staring forward. 

Lavellan shifted slightly as she looked down and fiddled with her hands. She took a deep breath.

“I know how you feel, you know,” she began. After receiving no acknowledgement from Dorian, she continued. “I was attracted to Solas from the start. I believe he was as well, but he had much more…self-control,” she smiled fondly. “I would catch him giving me looks when we were together, ‘accidental’ touches or private jokes. We started spending time together every day, and I began to wonder why he didn’t just confess his feelings for me.” She glanced at Dorian, who had not responded but appeared to be listening.

“I thought I was misreading him,” she continued. “I convinced myself he wasn’t interested in me, that he just wanted a friend and someone to pass on his knowledge of our people. But I couldn’t get rid of the feeling I had when I was around him. And not knowing how he felt was driving me mad.” She paused again and saw Dorian glance her way.

Lavellan shifted so she was facing Dorian fully.

“Finally, I decided that the possibility of rejection was better than not knowing, so I told him how I felt. And he rejected me,” she finished with a sad smile. Dorian jolted as he looked at her in disbelief.

“He has an awful funny way of showing it,” Dorian said. “He got you a _castle_ , Anaïs.” 

Lavellan just laughed. “Solas had convinced himself that a relationship would only end badly, that he was ‘wrong’ for me, for some reason. He wants me to be happy, and he felt that he couldn’t do that,” she continued. 

Dorian glanced over his shoulder towards the camp and saw Solas standing alone, leaning on his staff and glaring at the pair (or just Dorian) a short distance away.

_Like a dog protecting his master,_ Dorian thought with a shiver. Lavellan glanced over her shoulder as well and smiled at the elf. Solas’ disposition changed immediately, relaxing as a small smile appeared on his face. Something unspoken traveled between the pair as he nodded and walked away.

“So anyway,” Lavellan began again, turning back around. “I was tired of games. Solas was using excuses to spend time away from me, but I could see him suffering from afar.”

“Sounds familiar,” Dorian muttered.

“I knew if he was feeling even a fraction of what I was, he was torturing himself for no reason. So I decided to ignore his hesitation and his ‘warnings’ and pursue him instead,” she grinned.

“The man is clearly an imbecile,” Dorian said impatiently. “You are adorable.”

Lavellan blushed slightly as she continued. “To make a long story short, it worked. It wasn’t easy, but it worked.” She paused. “It’s not as…far along as it may seem,” she said, blushing further, “but we are happy.”

Dorian raised his eyebrows at her. “But you two seemed very _close_ , that evening I saw you,” he said with amusement. 

Lavellan smiled. “We have decided to not rush into…certain aspects too quickly.” She shook her head. “The reason I am telling you this is that it’s not too late. It is hard being apart - so hard - and I apologize for taking you away so suddenly.” She reached out and took his hand. Dorian squeezed it in response.

“I can see how deeply you care for Cullen,” she said softly. “And I have it on good authority he feels the same,” she smiled. Dorian snorted with laughter.

“Yes, well, he was attempting to _demonstrate_ that to me before we were so rudely interrupted,” he smirked.

Lavellan ducked her head slightly in embarrassment. “I know. If I did not feel like it was absolutely necessary, I would not have taken you along. But Dorian, you know our duties come first.”

Dorian sighed and nodded as Lavellan let go of his hand and moved closer to him, sitting side by side once again. They were quiet for a moment.

“Vivienne would like to take the tome we recovered to Val Royeaux to verify its authenticity,” she began. “I anticipate we will be here for at least another week, if not longer, before we begin our return to Skyhold. If you would like, the two of you may take a small contingent of soldiers and leave for Val Royeaux immediately.” She smiled at Dorian’s surprised glance. “You have done your part, Dorian, although I am sure I will drag you back here in the future. But I don’t want you to go through what I did any longer.”

Dorian was silent as Lavellan rested her head on his shoulder. 

“Go home.”

~~~~~

To say that Cullen was in a bad mood would be an understatement. The other advisors had seen him overworked, aggravated and upset before, but never this strongly or all at once. He refused to leave his quarters unless it was his turn to lead the troops in their morning drills. The soldiers noticed he was more irritable, quicker to reprimand and more likely to keep them training much longer than normal.

Cassandra had taken to bringing him his meals each day, as he refused to do even that. He would barely acknowledge her, and some evenings the scouts would report he had not touched a thing on his plate.

“You're punishing yourself unnecessarily, Commander,” Cassandra told him sternly one afternoon. “He is fine and will return shortly. You are remiss for allowing such a thing to affect you so.” 

“I am not punishing myself, Seeker,” Cullen replied tensely. “I have much to do and would prefer to remain focused on my work. Of which there appears to be a never-ending supply.”

Cassandra stalked forward, leaning over the Commander’s desk as she spoke. “You are hurting yourself,” she told him through clenched teeth. “You had me take a vow to monitor you, and I would prefer to stop this nonsense before it gets to the point where you must be removed.”

Cullen sighed as he ran his hands over his face. Cassandra continued. 

“And as a friend, Cullen, this is not necessary,” she said softer. “You may find the time passes more quickly when you vary how you spend your day.”

Cullen looked at her impatiently. “I appreciate the concern, Cassandra, but I am fine. Honestly.” He sighed again. “But if it will make you feel better, I will make more of an effort to…socialize.”

Cassandra smiled slightly. “I do not wish to see you perish from heartsickness, as romantic a notion as that may be.” 

Cullen stared at her with a puzzled expression as she blushed slightly. “Romantic? Have you been reading Varric’s books, Seeker?” he asked with amusement. 

“Absolutely not,” she replied, straightening herself, all business once again. “Please, join us for dinner tonight, Commander. I will tell the others we are expecting you.”

She turned and left the room without another glance as Cullen smirked at her retreating form. He knew he was sulking; he did not need her to remind him of it. Despite what Cassandra and the others believed, his focus was _entirely_ on Inquisition matters. He found the only way he was able to get through each day was by working himself to exhaustion, and then eventually passing out either at his desk or, if he was lucky, in his bed. He could easily let his mind become consumed with worry over Dorian…or let it take a more pleasurable turn, but that only seemed to make him miss the man more. No, it was easier to occupy himself with something productive. It was, after all, the real reason he was there. 

He vowed to honestly make an effort to join the others for at least one meal each day, even if it was to simply keep them pacified. He rubbed his shoulder as he bent over his work once more, determined to get at least a little more done before he was coerced away.

~~~~~

Varric was waiting for Cassandra as she entered the main hall.

“Seeker!” he called. “Just the person I wanted to see.”

“What, Varric?” she replied shortly, pausing in front of him.

“Did I just see you leaving the Commander’s tower?” he asked. 

Cassandra nodded. “What of it?”

Varric smirked. “How is the big guy? Pining away over his absent lover?”

“Ugh,” she sneered. “I will not relate the Commander’s personal matters, Varric. Find someone else for your book.”

Varric grinned. “Actually, I was hoping I could bounce an idea off of you. As my biggest fan I thought you would appreciate the honor.”

“I am not your…” Cassandra started before grunting again in disapproval. “Why do I even….”

“Now, now, Seeker,” Varric soothed. “Just listen, and if you don’t like it, I won’t say another word on the subject. Promise.”

Cassandra studied the dwarf for a moment, considering his proposal. He was staring at her with a hopeful, seemingly innocent expression on his face. Good sense told her she shouldn’t get involved in a plan led by Varric Tethras. 

“Very well, what is your idea?” she sighed, curiosity getting the better of her.

“Fantastic,” he grinned, clapping his hands together. “We’re going to need some help. Do you think Ruffles is busy?”

~~~~~

The trip to Val Royeaux was uneventful, something Dorian was exceedingly grateful for. He had enough on his mind without worrying about an attack – or worse, a chatty companion. Vivienne was silent for much of their trip, only occasionally making conversation and quieting if Dorian was unresponsive. Dorian made a note to thank her for her courtesy once they returned to Skyhold.

Dorian’s mood alternated between impatience and anticipation the entire trip. He hoped their stay in Val Royeaux would be quick and they could make the trip back to Skyhold as soon as possible. While he generally appreciated being in the Orlesian capital – he could get some decent food and drink for a change – he had no intention of frequenting the area once they arrived.

They entered the city late morning, and Vivienne went straight to her contact to drop off the tome. Luckily, due to her connections, they would be staying in the home of a noble who was vacationing outside of the city. Dorian relished the idea of a private bedroom – and actual bed – for the first time in almost a month.

He had been relaxing in his room after a long bath when he heard a brief knock on his door. 

“Come in,” he called, swinging his legs over the side of the bed.

Vivienne entered, having cleaned up as well and changed into a fresh outfit.

“Hello, my dear,” she greeted. “Care to join me for dinner? I know a delightful little out-of-the-way place.”

Dorian considered it; he hadn’t eaten a real meal in quite some time. 

“Why not,” he replied, standing. Vivienne beamed at him as she took his arm. 

“And afterwards you can accompany me to the market,” she continued. “There are some specialty items I would like to purchase while we are here.”

Dorian didn’t mind. He was refreshed after such a long time on the road and thought maybe a nice evening in civilized company would do him good.

The meal was excellent, and Vivienne was a pleasant conversationalist when she desired. They agreed to put aside their differences for the evening, and Dorian found he quite liked the woman. It certainly helped that she had tastes almost as exquisite as his own. They strolled through the market after dinner, Vivienne picking up a variety of sundries to take back to Skyhold. 

“Is there anywhere you would like to look, dear?” she asked as they left the last stop on her list.

“I don’t believe so,” he replied. “How much longer do you think we’ll remain here?”

Vivienne gave him an appraising glace. “We will most likely leave in the morning. Really, darling, at least get a bottle or two of decent wine before we return.”

Dorian nodded as he considered the idea. It would be nice to return to Skyhold with something other than the swill he was usually forced to drink. They took a detour down another walkway, gazing at the wares as they passed. Vivienne excused herself briefly, an item attracting her attention.

Dorian wandered the nearby shops, pausing to glance occasionally if the merchandise appeared interesting. He was in a bookshop when he saw something displayed on the top shelf that caught his eye.

“Ah, an excellent selection, messere,” the shopkeeper exclaimed, taking the book down from the shelf. Dorian examined the cover. “A History of Weapons” was inscribed in gold across the center, a variety of swords and other arms surrounding it. His mind immediately went to Cullen, picturing the book sitting prominently on his desk. He flipped through it, noticing it appeared to be in excellent condition, and quite expensive.

_This is silly_ , he thought with frustration. _Returning to Skyhold triumphantly with…a book? ‘Yes, hello love, I missed you so much I brought back some light reading. If you don’t care for it, feel free to chuck it at my head.’_ He shook his head, preparing to hand the book back.

He was so engrossed in his internal debate that he did not hear Vivienne approach. She leaned over his shoulder to observe what had caught the other mage’s attention. Dorian glanced over as she stepped casually to his side and smiled at the man.

“He’ll love it,” she said assuredly. Dorian was caught off-guard by her comment as he looked between her and the book, trying to determine if she was being truthful. Vivienne signaled for the merchant to return.

“Get it,” she said firmly. “And then we shall go procure your wine.”

Dorian smiled, spirits uplifted at the support as he purchased the book, and several bottles of wine soon after. Cullen may not be blown away by the gift, but he hoped the gesture itself might mean something to the man. 

Deeper down, however, he hoped all the Commander wanted was him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only 2 chapters left in the first part! It'll probably be a few days before the last two get posted; I got a little distracted by an Anders/Hawke modern AU I started outlining and my birthday is tomorrow, so I'm slightly behind...
> 
> I got the inspiration for Cullen's gift from [this](http://uncrate.com/stuff/a-history-of-weapons) book I stumbled across, although this is definitely a much less fancy/non-serious version.
> 
> And again, thanks in advance for any kudos, comments, etc.!


	16. Hold On to Your Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dorian and Cullen finally reunite at Skyhold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fair warning: this ending to this chapter is incredibly sappy. Like groan-worthy. I apologize in advance.

Cullen got wind of Dorian’s impending early arrival a day or so after the mage left Val Royeaux. His concentration was waning every day, and this news only accelerated the progression. He found himself leaving his quarters more and more often for the most trivial of reasons. He had taken to loitering in the courtyard longer than necessary, or making up a reason to casually ask about the status of the group. Cullen realized everyone could probably see through his fabrications, but they all sympathetically played along and answered his questions.

His distraction helped to ensure that some of the more singular deliveries to Skyhold in the following days went unnoticed by the Commander. Certain bundles were smuggled away as they entered the keep, to be tucked away by Josephine or Leliana until needed. 

Finally, word arrived that Dorian was due the next evening. Cullen worked harder than usual (if possible) to complete all of his necessary paperwork prior to that night. He wanted to be under no obligation or pressure to complete any reports once the mage arrived, hoping to focus solely on their reunion. His hope was that Dorian would arrive early enough that they might share dinner, or at the very least, a drink and a quick chat before bedtime. He decided to forgo sleep for the second night in a row.

By the time that evening rolled around, Cullen was all nerves and functioning solely on adrenaline. He began to linger in the courtyard under the guise of observing his troops. He was impatient with everyone and several people noticed he was unable to concentrate on a single thing for more than a few moments at a time. 

As the evening changed into night with no arrival or word from Dorian’s party, Cullen began to worry. He lurked in the area until late in the night, pacing the yard and snapping on anyone who dared approach him. Word finally reached Cassandra of his refusal to leave, along with a plainly worded request for her to handle the situation. She arrived at the gates and tapped Cullen on the shoulder mid-step, startling him as he whirled around. 

“Commander, perhaps it is best if you retired for the evening,” she recommended bluntly. Cullen began vigorously shaking his head no as Cassandra continued. “You are exhausted and petulant and taking it out on innocent people. Is this how you wish for him to see you?"

Cullen sighed in defeat. He knew Cassandra was correct, but he wanted to greet Dorian at the gates. Call it a romantic notion, but he liked the idea of being there as the mage returned. He wanted to be the first thing Dorian saw as he re-entered Skyhold, affirming the intentions Cullen had attempted to make clear the evening he left.

Cassandra was studying him as he thought. “I can arrange for a sleeping draught to be delivered, if that would aid you,” she pressed. 

Cullen shook his head. “That won’t be necessary, but I thank you,” he replied dejectedly. “I shall retire to my quarters, but I would appreciate being notified once the party arrives.”

Cassandra nodded. “I will try, Commander. In the meantime, please get some rest.” She paused. “And clean yourself up, you truly do look awful.” She smirked before turning and walking towards her own room. Cullen groaned in frustration as he began to make his way back to his tower.

_Just a bit longer_ , he told himself. _You made it this far, just wait a little more._

*****

Dorian arrived back in Skyhold in the early hours of the morning, greeted only by a skeleton crew of recruits - and Leliana - who were tasked with awaiting their return. He was fatigued, but wanted to see Cullen immediately.

 _The man never sleeps,_ Dorian thought as he surveyed the area for the Commander. _Surely he is awake._

Not seeing him in the vicinity, he decided to see if Cullen was in his quarters. He started on the path before being stopped by the Spymaster.

“The Commander is not in Skyhold at the moment, Dorian,” Leliana told him. Dorian looked at her skeptically as she continued. “He was called away briefly but should return tomorrow, late morning. He told me to inform you if you should return before he did, that he would like to meet you tomorrow evening for chess. Around dinner.” 

Dorian brightened at the words, even though disappointment lingered at the Commander’s absence. He supposed it was for the best, as he was truly exhausted after several more days of travelling almost non-stop. This would give him an opportunity to be presentable once he saw the man again.

He nodded in response. “Very well. If you would, kindly tell him when he returns that I will gladly join him for a game.” He winked at Leliana. “Now, off to get my beauty sleep.”

Leliana’s eyes twinkled as she smiled. “As you wish, Dorian.” With that, the mage retreated to his quarters. Leliana glanced towards Cullen’s tower, hoping her scouts would intercept Dorian, should he try to approach the Commander after all. Once she received word that the mage was safely in his room, she sent a message to Varric.

_It’s time._

*****

Dorian slept well through the night and into the next morning, waking shortly after lunchtime. He was hardly surprised; he could feel the fatigue overwhelm him as he fell into bed the night before. He was just pleased that he hadn’t managed to oversleep and miss his appointment with the Commander.

As he got dressed, he decided to stop by Cullen’s tower and see if the man was present. He wasn't being overeager, he told himself; he just wanted to make sure Cullen knew that he would be joining him that evening. 

He made his way through the library and had just entered Solas’ room when he was stopped by Varric.

“Hey, Sparkler! Glad to see you’re back,” the dwarf exclaimed. “Where are you headed?”

Dorian glanced at the door leading towards Cullen’s tower.

“The Commander requested a game of chess this evening,” Dorian replied. “I was on my way to confirm the time.”

Varric grinned. “Well, I hate to break it to you, but Curly isn’t there. He just passed me not 10 minutes ago, headed towards the war room. My guess is he’ll be there a while.”

Dorian was crestfallen. There went any hopes of seeing the Commander early, and now he was worried whether the man would be present for their match at all. 

“If you want to pass a note along though, I can see that it gets to him,” Varric winked, taking pity on the man.

Dorian forced a smile as he shook his head. “No need. Just if you should see him, please let him know I will be joining him. If Leliana has not informed him already.”

Varric smiled as he patted Dorian on the back. “Why don’t you relax, Sparkler? Go clean up a bit, maybe read a book or something. You look like you could use a break.”

A bath actually sounded wonderful at that moment. Dorian nodded his thanks as he returned the way he came to gather his bath supplies. His muscles ached and he was still weary from the road. Hopefully the warm water would be able to soothe more than just his nerves.

~~~~~

Cullen had yet another restless night. Aided by the fact that he did not get into bed until the early hours of the morning, he awoke still very tired. He sighed as he got out of bed and dressed, too drained to want to do anything except see Dorian. He headed from his tower directly toward the library, hoping on the off-chance that the mage might be in his alcove already. If not, he could continue forward and see if he was in his room.

He had just finished climbing the stairs when he nearly ran into Cassandra.

“Commander,” she nodded in greeting as she covertly blocked his path.

“Did Dorian arrive yet?” Cullen asked, trying in vain to keep the nerves out of his voice.

“He did,” Cassandra confirmed, “very early this morning. He is in his quarters now, sleeping, and asked not to be disturbed.”

Cullen’s face fell at the words. Dorian didn’t want to see him? He rubbed the back of his neck anxiously. Perhaps the man was just very tired. He looked back at Cassandra, hoping she at least told Dorian that he had been waiting for him.

“I did not see him,” Cassandra continued, “but Leliana met him at the gate. He asked that she pass on a request to you: to meet him this evening for a game of chess. Around dinnertime.”

Cullen smiled at the news, a weight seemingly lifted off his shoulders. The mage was just exhausted, it had nothing to do with him. 

“Very well,” he replied. “I will send word that I will meet him there this evening.”

“No need, Commander,” Cassandra cut in, smiling slightly. “I am waiting for Leliana to finish up a report. I can send word to Dorian in the meantime. I believe you have some new intelligence of your own awaiting you on your desk.” She stepped forward as she spoke, nudging Cullen back towards the stairs. 

“Oh, um…alright,” he stammered, attempting not to trip as he stepped back. “Thank you. I will be there, if anyone should need me.”

Cassandra nodded her approval as the Commander climbed back down the stairs. She glanced upwards and spied Leliana peering over the side of the railing, taking in the conversation. They exchanged smiles as Cassandra waited a few moments before following the Commander down.

~~~~~

Dorian felt refreshed after a long, soothing bath. He leisurely made his way back to his quarters, taking his time preparing for the evening. He had mapped out how he wanted it all to happen: first, a casual game of chess with some light chitchat. He would tell Cullen of his horrid trip to the Western Approach and ask about what he had missed in Skyhold. They would relocate to the tavern afterwards for dinner and some drinks, hopefully in a secluded area, and there Dorian would broach the subject of their kiss. Kisses. Potential for more kisses.

 _Stop thinking about his mouth!_ he scolded himself. He needed to make it through the chess match with a clear head. He checked himself in the mirror one last time before heading out. It was nearing dusk when he exited, and Skyhold was bathed in the pleasant warmth of the sunset. Dorian had only just opened the door to the hall when he heard a voice call out to him.

“Sparkler!” Varric yelled from the opposite side. “Glad I caught you.”

Dorian felt his stomach drop. Varric was supposed to relay the message to Cullen. Perhaps the Commander still hadn’t left the war room? He plastered a smile on his face as Varric approached.

“I am in a bit of a hurry, Varric, if you don’t mind,” he replied impatiently. 

“Oh, not a problem,” Varric grinned. “How about I just walk with you and we talk along the way?”

Dorian rolled his eyes as he shrugged helplessly. He knew Varric well enough by now to know when he was not going to take no for an answer. They made their way – gradually – towards the garden. Varric was walking impossibly slow, and even made him stop to show him a chapter of his new novel, much to Dorian’s chagrin. After what seemed like hours, they finally reached the garden.

The first thing Dorian noticed was the distinct lack of people. It was eerily quiet, almost as if all the inhabitants of Skyhold up and disappeared at once. He glanced at Varric briefly, but the dwarf did not appear surprised. If anything, he looked amused. 

Dorian ventured further into the yard, taking in his surroundings when he noticed a flicker out of the corner of his eye. He looked towards the gazebo and stood in stunned silence as he tried to process the scene. In the middle, where the chess table usually sat, was a small, round table covered with a cloth, a small candle and two place settings. Cushions had been added to the chairs that usually occupied the area, and some of the larger flower urns had been relocated to the corners. The part that really caught his eye, however, hovered in the air: dozens of tiny mage lights, replicated to look like fireflies, lit up the area in a soft glow. 

Dorian paused at the steps, staring in awe. 

_Cullen did this for me?_ he thought in wonder. A warmth spread through his chest at the idea. He turned and noticed that at some point Varric had retreated. Not another soul appeared to be in the yard, so Dorian leaned against a column to wait for his host.

~~~~~

Cullen was pleased at his focus. He managed to spend a good part of the day on his reports, with his thoughts only occasionally straying to Dorian. While the missives were new, they were not in urgent need of review, so Cullen took his time looking them over.

As the time grew close, he went through the now familiar “Dorian” routine of touching up his appearance. Satisfied, he descended his ladder and prepared to open the front door to his office when one of the side doors flew open. He turned and looked in surprise to see Cassandra enter, the usual dour look on her face.

“Seeker?” he queried. 

“There is no cause for alarm, Commander,” she assured him. “Are you on your way out? Perhaps you could walk with me so we may talk.”

Cullen had no time for this. “I am on my way to meet Dorian, Cassandra. Could this wait for another time?”

“I wish to speak to you about converting one of the towers for our troops,” she answered easily. “We can take the long way to the garden and I can show you which one I mean.”

Cullen sighed as he closed the door. “Very well, but I am not stopping.”

Cassandra nodded as they both exited the room. She went over some ideas for adapting one of the falling apart towers into a common area for the soldiers. As of right now, they had nowhere to meet other than the tavern or out in the training yard. This would provide them with a more private area to better suit their needs. Cullen had to admit he was impressed with the plan, and made a note to follow up on it after that night.

The finally reached the stairs leading to the garden. Cassandra drew quiet as they descended, which brought to Cullen’s attention the stillness of the area. As he stepped out from underneath the overhang, his eyes were drawn immediately to the gazebo. 

He thought the image would be burned in his mind forever. Dorian stood, smiling as he casually leaned against the side of the structure. A sea of lightly glowing orbs hovered above him, bathing him in an ethereal glow. His heart soared as he looked at the man, watching Dorian grin wider as he caught sight of the Commander. 

Cullen had all but forgotten Cassandra as he approached Dorian, focusing only on the man in front of him. As he drew closer he noticed the small table set up where the chess board should be. He chuckled as he reached Dorian, glancing from the mage to the table.

“I believe we have very different ideas as to what a game of chess entails,” Cullen grinned. Dorian tilted his head as he looked at the man with confusion.

“I was thinking the same thing,” he answered. “I thought you…this was not your doing?”

Cullen shook his head, perplexed as well. “I was told you wished to meet me for a game this evening.”

Dorian chuckled as the realization began to hit him. “I was told the same,” he smiled. “I believe, Commander, we’ve been set up.” He gestured over Cullen’s shoulder, causing the man to turn around. Leliana, Josephine, Varric and Cassandra all stood on the walkway, beaming at the duo. It was Josephine who cleared her throat and stepped forward slightly. 

“We have noticed your…fondness for each other, and without being too presumptuous, we thought to aid you in your relationship’s advancement.” She smiled slightly, although she appeared unsure of what just came out of her mouth.

“What Ruffles means to say,” Varric cut in, “is that we were all tired of seeing you two mope around with your own private rainclouds overhead,” he smirked. “So we decided for the sake of the Inquisition's morale, and our own mental health, we would make sure you two lovebirds had an uninterrupted chance to work things out.”

Cullen heard Cassandra sigh softly before turning it into a cough. Leliana smiled and nodded.

“We have arranged for the garden to be undisturbed this evening,” she stated, stepping forward as well. “So you should have complete privacy.”

“We also made arrangements for some particular dishes to be served this evening,” Josephine volunteered. “What we understand to be foods each of you favor.”

“And how would you know what kinds of food I prefer?” Cullen asked in disbelief. “There isn’t exactly much variety in Skyhold.” 

Leliana laughed. “You seem to forget the amount of information I have on you both,” she grinned. “Even such mundane things as food preferences.”

Dorian chuckled quietly at Cullen’s side. “Well, let’s not linger in anticipation any longer, Commander,” he smiled. “Will you join me?”

Cullen shook his head in amusement as he followed Dorian to the table. Once he was settled, he turned to see the quartet had disappeared, replaced with a servant coming towards them with a tray of food.

“Now,” Dorian began, giving Cullen a dazzling smile. “Where shall we start?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This entire story actually began when the dinner set-up idea popped into my head. Everything else just sort of fell into place after. I hope it wasn't too cheesy? I know...it's not like there's an ancient demon threatening the entire world or anything. Pfffft. 
> 
> And as thanks, the final chapter will be up within the hour :)


	17. The Way You Say Goodnight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dorian and Cullen finally get everything out in the open.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Our duo finally stops dancing around each other! Also, smut *cough*. I don't think it warranted bumping this up to an M rating just for this one thing, but *shrugs*, let me know if you think otherwise.
> 
> I also really, really love strawberries.

“Strawberries!” Dorian exclaimed as their dessert was brought out. “Oh, I haven’t had a strawberry in ages,” he sighed dreamily.

Cullen grinned as well. Leliana’s sources had been spot-on the entire evening as they brought out dish after dish of each man’s favorites for them to share. They had learned much about each other as they revealed stories behind their fondness for certain foods. He was pleased to discover that they both shared a love for the fruit.

The servant set the tray down and Cullen noticed with delight that the berries were divided into two sections. The first, on Dorian’s side, was a shallow bowl filled with fluffy white cream. Sliced strawberries nestled within the mound, as well as around the bowl. Cullen’s side contained two rows of large strawberries covered in chocolate. His mouth watered as he looked at the treats. If it had been a long time since he had strawberries, it was even longer since he had them covered in chocolate. He grinned as he saw Dorian with an expression mirroring his own.

“Shall we?” Dorian smiled. He reached for the spoon that sat aside the bowl and helped himself to a generous mouthful of the treat. Cullen laughed as Dorian closed his eyes and moaned in delight.

“Here, you must try a bite before the chocolate overwhelms your senses,” Dorian insisted. He took another heaping spoonful of the dish and leaned over, feeding it to Cullen himself. Cullen raised his eyebrows in appreciation; it was better than he expected. Dorian beamed at him from across the table before helping himself to another bite. Cullen selected one of the strawberries in front of him and bit down to the stem, eating the whole berry in one bite. 

_This is perfect,_ he thought. _Everything about tonight is perfect._

Dorian smiled at him again, watching his expression. “Food does not require so much thinking, Commander,” he smirked. 

Cullen reached for a second strawberry, and mimicking Dorian’s earlier movement, leaned forward to place the berry in the mage’s mouth. Dorian took the opportunity to make it a show, slowly biting the berry and moaning again at the taste, winking as he licked the chocolate from his lip. Cullen blushed at the gesture and focused back on the food in front of him.

They went back and forth, each stealing bites of the delicious food from each other. While the night was going well, neither had actually brought up the discussion of their relationship, if there was one. Soon enough, the strawberries were all gone and they were left with an empty tray and empty plates. Cullen sighed in contentment. He hadn’t eaten this well in many, many years. They lapsed into a comfortable silence, both unsure as to what they should do next.

Dorian finally cleared his throat. “Would you be interested in sharing a bottle of wine?” he asked. “I purchased several while in Val Royeaux. Excellent vintage, quite a bit better than you are used to here, I’m sure.”

Cullen smiled. He wanted nothing more than to stay in Dorian’s company for as long as possible that evening. As far as he was concerned, they had plenty of time to make up for and he planned on not wasting a single minute of it. 

“That sounds wonderful,” Cullen replied, standing. 

“Excellent!” Dorian exclaimed, throwing his napkin on the table and standing as well. “The wine is in my quarters, shall we go and fetch it and find someplace quiet to chat?”

“Lead the way,” Cullen replied, gesturing for Dorian to go ahead.

The pair headed towards Dorian’s room, talking quietly along the way. They did not encounter anyone else the entire walk; apparently the demand for privacy extended to the indoor areas surrounding the garden as well.

Cullen noticed the small stash of wine bottles as soon as he entered the room and let out a small laugh. Dorian grinned sheepishly for a moment. 

“Well you can hardly blame me, Commander,” the mage said jokingly. “You’ve tasted the rubbish they serve here! You’ll thank me afterwards.”

Dorian paused for a moment before selecting a bottle and turning back to Cullen. 

“Any ideas on our destination?” he asked.

Cullen shook his head. Despite the absence of people around the garden, it was still too exposed. He wanted to be able to speak to Dorian without worrying about the prying eyes and ears of others. His quarters were another option, but there were likely to be messengers or guards outside one of the three doors throughout the night. Dorian must have been thinking similarly as he spoke up. 

“Or we could just stay here?” Dorian suggested. “It’s not the most comfortable of places but it’s out of the way.”

Cullen nodded his agreement as he looked around the room and noticed a distinct lack of chairs. He shrugged slightly as he slid to the floor, back against one of the walls. He had spent time in places more uncomfortable than this, he told himself, and it was the company that really mattered. Dorian took the cue and settled himself also, opposite Cullen, and opened the bottle. 

“I’m afraid I only have the one glass,” he said with an apologetic grin.

“Just give it here,” Cullen replied, grabbing the bottle from Dorian before taking a swig and passing it back.

“I like the way you think, Commander,” Dorian replied as his grin grew larger. He took a gulp as well and passed the bottle back. “Did I ever tell you about the time…”

They passed the next couple of hours in similar fashion, sharing humorous or outrageous stories and working their way through two of Dorian’s bottles. They were both pleasantly buzzed and enjoying each other’s company when Dorian reached for a third bottle.

“Oh no, I think you’ve had enough,” Cullen laughed as he grabbed the bottle from Dorian’s hands.

“I most certainly have not,” Dorian protested as he reached for the bottle. “I am not nearly – _oomph_!” He grunted as he fell face-first next to Cullen. The Commander couldn’t help laughing at the sight of the mage sprawled on his face, groaning quietly.

“Not funny, Commander,” Dorian pouted good-naturedly. He began to sit up, using one of Cullen’s legs for support when he felt the man tense. He looked over and saw Cullen gazing down at his hand, which was dangerously close to the other man’s crotch.

Dorian had a moment of indecision before he decided to throw caution to the wind. He slowly rubbed his hand over the man’s thigh, until his fingertips were lightly brushing the bulge between his legs. Dorian heard the sharp intake of breath from above as he leisurely moved his hand over, until he was cupping the Commander fully. Cullen hadn’t pushed him away, so Dorian took the chance to gently massage him for a moment, feeling the man slowly becoming aroused beneath his hand. 

He kept his eyes on Cullen’s face, attempting to gauge his reaction and prepared to pull away at any moment. The Commander now had his head tilted back against the wall, gazing at Dorian with heavy-lidded eyes as his breath quickened. The image sent a jolt through Dorian’s body, fantasies of slowly bringing the Commander to release playing through his mind. Cullen continued to stare at him, eyes full of want.

Dorian removed his hand as he sat up, nudging Cullen’s legs apart with his knee as he straddled the leg closest to him. Cullen took the cue as he grabbed Dorian’s hips, pulling the mage closer as he crashed their lips together in a heated kiss. Cullen’s hands eagerly roamed as much of Dorian’s body as he could, pulling the man flush against himself to gain more access. 

Dorian pressed his tongue to Cullen’s lips, urging the man’s mouth open and allowing him inside. The Commander hesitated for a second before granting him access, moaning softly as Dorian’s tongue connected with his own. He held Dorian closer as the mage ran his hands through Cullen’s hair, lightly grasping and tugging as they writhed against each other.

The moans coming from them both increased, and Dorian could feel his own arousal quickly growing as he slightly bucked against Cullen’s leg. Both men were breathing heavily at this point and Dorian cursed the heavier clothing he had worn that evening in anticipation of the cold night air. Without breaking the kiss, he removed one hand from Cullen’s hair and snaked it between them, stroking Cullen a little harder through his trousers. The Commander thrust into his hand, gasping loudly between their kisses. The man was already half erect and Dorian knew it would not take much to bring him to full hardness. He moved his hand up slightly and began to undo the man’s trousers. Before he could manage it, Cullen grasped his wrist, stilling him.

“Dorian, wait,” he panted. “Slow down for a moment.”

Dorian sighed in exasperation as he untangled himself from the man and sat back, looking at Cullen expectantly.

“I don’t…”Cullen began, rubbing his neck. “I do not wish to rush into things with you. Or take advantage in this state,” he added reluctantly.

Dorian rolled his eyes. It was hardly rushing when they had both (he assumed) wanted this for months now. 

“You are not rushing, nor are you taking advantage, Commander,” he replied. “By my standards, we’ve been positively chaste. I am in full control of myself and I believe I have been the more aggressive one this evening. You have nothing to worry about,” he finished, leaning forward to kiss the man again. Cullen raised his hand to Dorian’s chest, stopping him once more.

“No, you do not understand me,” Cullen insisted. “I do not wish for this to be merely physical. I want _you_ , Dorian, all of you. I want to know you, to learn from you, to give to you – not just take.”

Dorian scoffed uncertainly, feeling the nerves begin to well inside him. He knew he wanted more from the man, not just a quick fling on the dirty floor of his room. But, if he was to be honest with himself, he might be a bit more…receptive to the conversation without most of his attention on his nether regions. Or Cullen’s.

“Cullen,” he began as he slid a hand up the man’s chest, “if you really wish to stop and…talk, then I will do as you request.” He cupped the man’s face, watching Cullen’s eyes flutter closed for a moment. “Or,” he continued, “we can finish what we started, and talk later.” He punctuated the sentence with a light kiss, waiting for the man’s answer. Cullen returned the kiss before sighing and pulling back. 

“Can we compromise?” he requested with a lopsided smile.

Dorian began peppering small kisses over his face. “What did you have in mind?” he murmured

“It’s hard to talk when you’re occupying half of my face,” Cullen laughed, turning his head to the side. 

“Humph,” Dorian sulked as he pulled back, “is our whole relationship going to consist of you stealing all my fun?”

Cullen grinned. “Relationship? I guess you answered my first question,” he teased. 

“Yes, yes, relationship. I want, you want, let’s get back to the good stuff, yes?” Dorian huffed, leaning back towards the Commander.

“Dorian!” Cullen exclaimed, laughing again. “Just let me talk and please be serious for a moment.”

Cullen gently pried Dorian away from him for a second time as the mage grumbled and sat back. Dorian sighed as he looked intently at the other man, pausing for a moment before he spoke.

“I must admit, I’m curious where this goes, you and I,” Dorian confessed. “I like you. More than I should. More than might be wise.”

Cullen smiled fondly. “I can’t say I haven’t wondered what I would say to you in this sort of situation,” he replied. “I...didn’t think this was possible. It seems too much to ask, but I want to.” 

“You can ask me for whatever you like, Commander,” Dorian smirked. Cullen shook his head as he chuckled softly.

“I don’t have much to offer you,” Cullen continued. “I have no title outside the Inquisition. I’m not sure if…does that sort of thing matter to you?”

Dorian burst into laughter at the words. “Does a _title_ bother me?” he snorted. “You are aware I forfeited any and all claims to my own title and birthright, are you not?”

Cullen smiled briefly in embarrassment. “I just wanted to be sure. I don’t want anything left unsaid or undecided between us. I can’t bear the idea of living through the uncertainty again,” he finished earnestly. 

“You have no reason to worry about my affections, Commander,” Dorian replied warmly. “In fact, if you would like to know how _affectionate_ I can be – “

“In due time,” Cullen laughed, shaking his head. “It’s just…If I seem unsure, it’s because it’s been a long time since I wanted anyone in my life,” he explained nervously. “I wasn’t expecting to find that here. Or you. Especially considering that we had such a pleasant first meeting,” he finished with a wry grin.

Dorian chuckled as he gave Cullen a small kiss. “You’re lucky,” he smiled. “I just so happen to have a thing for strapping young templars.”

“Very lucky indeed,” Cullen murmured as he pulled Dorian in for another kiss. Dorian, believing the conversation was over, eagerly deepened the kiss before Cullen gently pushed him back once more. Dorian groaned and dropped his head onto Cullen’s shoulder.

“You do realize you’re torturing me, don’t you?” he groaned. 

“I want to do this properly, Dorian,” Cullen insisted. “I wish to court you. There’s still much we do not know about each other.” He looked away shyly. “I am no blushing virgin, but I would like to wait before we… progress further.”

Dorian was quiet. He wasn’t sure what he expected, but it was not such a formal declaration nor a traditional courtship. He wasn’t sure if he should be flattered or frustrated.

“I confess, I was…expecting something different. But fine, have it your way,” he responded, giving the man a fond smile.

Cullen beamed at the words, quickly pulling Dorian into a brief kiss. 

“But perhaps we should lay some ground rules?” Dorian smirked. “I’d like to know what I may not ‘progress’ past, at the moment.”

Cullen blushed. “Kissing for now, if you don’t mind? And see how it goes from there,” he answered. “It’s been…quite some time since I’ve engaged in such activities.”

Dorian sighed dramatically. “If you insist, Commander,” he lamented. “You are not, however, leaving me in my quarters empty-handed. It’s a matter of pride.” He leaned forward for another kiss.

“I have no problem with that,” Cullen whispered as he lost himself in Dorian’s mouth once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank you all SO much for all your positive comments on this work. Just reading back through it I can see how my confidence increased as I went along. You guys are all awesome. Seriously.
> 
> So basically what I want to know is...do you guys want a part 2?? I have it outlined and ready to go once I finish a few other smaller stories. These two are a lot of fun to write together, so I'm looking forward to it.
> 
> And as usual, any kudos, comments or critiques (I'm totally open to constructive criticism) are more than welcome. I also updated my profile to include my email & stuff if you don't want to comment here. :)


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